Deperso Espreso

I've joked that struggle with depression but I have never been formally diagnosed nor did I really think I had it

I am helping a friend out with one of her phsy classes and every time I do one of her case study's I'm surprised by how much I relate to the patient (these arnt real people)

There are things these patients say like not being sad but not finding joy in anything, that I consider my base - like this is when I dont think I am depressed but this is just one example 

I think I hide behind my introvertedness - meaning I justify my lack of engagement in life or my lack of desire to do anything as me being introverted but maybe that's not it

Either way Im getting over all of it - im so sick of being this way and have been this way for far to long

I've been like this for so long im not sure I know a life outside of this

This isnt even getting to TOM

When TOM comes, its scares me because yes there is pain but whats worst is my emotions

I truly believe if I were ever to quit it would be cus TOM came and no matter how much I tell myself it is temporary or its TOM or anything else its so hard to see past the present emotion 

Anyways perhaps I am not a comedian and I do have depreso