December 28th 2024

Today feels like another day where the world seems too heavy to carry, so I thought I’d write it down. My depression has become like a fog, always present, clouding my thoughts and making everything feel distant. I’ve built walls around myself—walls so high that no one can climb them, and honestly, I’m not sure I want them to.

Isolation feels like a safety net and a trap all at once. I don’t reach out anymore, not because I don’t care, but because I feel like I have nothing to give. My heart feels empty, my mind silent in all the wrong ways. Conversations feel forced, smiles feel like lies, and the thought of being vulnerable feels unbearable.

Shutting myself off felt like a way to protect myself, but now I’m realizing it’s become its own kind of pain. I’ve distanced myself from the world, and in doing so, I think I’ve lost pieces of myself too. I miss feeling connected, even if I can’t quite remember what that feels like anymore.

I don’t know where to start or how to undo this, but writing this down feels like a small step. Maybe one day, these words will feel like a bridge rather than a reflection of how lost I feel. For now, they’re just here—a piece of me I’m trying to understand.

—Agony