Dealing with guilt after breakup due to mental health issues
Hello everyone!
So, it has been FOUR years since the breakup of my long term relationship. I thought I was over it, but apparently I am not since I recently got a notification on *** that my ex-boyfriend is there now, too (apparently you get notified whenever one of your contacts in your phone makes an account there - and he is still one of my contacts). I was able to see his photo and were he lives now; he now lives in a different city with his new girlfriend and step daughter. I could not believe it, but allll the feelings came rushing back! We had a really good and healthy relationship until I got mentally ill, I started having issues with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Back then, mental health was a new thing for me and it took some months to even get me diagnosed and find the help I needed. He tried to be supportive during that time, but as my symptoms worsened he slowly turned away, sometimes would not talk to me anymore for days. It was too much for him to cope or he simply did not know how to cope seeing me struggle. This I totally understand how hard it can be to have a partner who is suffering. Eventually he broke up, and I felt totally guilty and responsible. And up until now it feels like it was all my fault, that, if I wouldn't have gotten ill, if I wouldn't have struggled, we would still be together... or that if I would have gotten better again soon after we would have had a second chance. It is very hard for me to live with these guilt feelings. Any suggestions?