Boundaries

I spent a day and a half mulling it over, but told my mom this morning that I wanted to change how we interacted, sort of enforcing some new boundaries after I learned about her use of meth in the past and her increased reliance on it for this last year. Though she swears she’s quitting for good, I don’t believe her.

I’m decreasing my contact with her via text and phone to just Saturdays when we have our weekly call and for emergencies.

I don’t want to have to play detective and figure out if she’s lying to me about this, that, or the other. So after I reminded her of what we last spoke of (her going back to the ER if she experienced more difficulties breathing and making absolutely certain she has enough RX refills to last till her next drs appointment or when she secured a new one) I told her that I’d be stopping my good morning texts and random calling because I want to focus on myself.

I want to do better in therapy and actually succeed in getting a job so I can make a little more money and still receive my SSDI. I can work beneath the cap and pay into federal and local taxes too. I may not be using my ticket to work, but I’m still trying to get back into the work force.

I spent most of today after that call forcing my attention away from my mother’s name in my contacts list- I texted my aunts and my friend instead, then did Friday trash day chores plus two massive loads of laundry that have been sitting around since I got the news about my mother’s hospitalization and meth problem.

If I haven’t burnt myself out I’ll make some cheeseburgers for dinner then put together a grocery list. Later on I can politely ask my less busy aunt if it would be cool for us to go shopping. Unless she hasn’t had a sudden expense, that is.