Am I being too sensitive or just paranoid?
Here’s the situation. It’s complex perhaps it’s just me or I have some problems. I live with my daughter, two grandkids and her partner and her dog . I really have some reservations about her partner. Why? I personally feel that he is not very supportive. Why? He works, he takes care of their newborn daughter, he forgets a lot when he is asked to do the smallest chore in the house. He walks the dog but he does not feed him. I feed him which makes no sense if you walk him in the mornings it only takes a few minutes to give him food and water. He sleeps a lot when the baby sleeps so I get this as he cares for her while mom gets much needed rest and mom breastfeeds her child as well.
He has two families. He is divorced with one child with his ex wife. He has two dogs for many years that still lives in the house with his ex. So he goes there daily to walk and feed both dogs. In his divorce decree the dogs can stay at his ex wife house for a period of time which is running out.
Problem: we are living in an apartment that only allows one dog. My daughter and him are working on moving into a house that can accommodate his two dogs and our one dog.
Problem: or perhaps it may not be. We are trying to get a loan through a realtor. My daughter’s credit is a disaster. Her partner credit is outstanding and mine is okay room for improvement. So we agreed to do a loan application with just him and myself. All of this is such last minute as he failed to work through this with my daughter last year. Now they are rushing. This last minute thing is unacceptable and I am ***. However we must move by June which I am hoping things will work in our favor.
I still have some thoughts about him because he feels that taking care of his newborn baby and walking the dog is so difficult and it’s all he can do.
Problem: my grandson who is 14 years old. My daughter partner takes him to school every morning before he goes to work. He struggles to get up each morning and rushing to leave to get my grandson to school. Unacceptable
He does not spend quality time with my grandson as he is spending more time with the new baby and providing support to my daughter in a strange way which he lack empathy and compassion. Sometimes the support he provides is nerve recking.
Example: my grandson wanted to go outside and slide in the snow. I was working and I was in chronic pain to take him. His mom was breastfeeding the baby. Her partner was not doing anything. I was hoping that he spoke up and said sure I can take him outdoors. That did not happened. Therefore I asked grandson to go outside as we will be watching him.
My grandson has some medical issues but he can enjoy playing outdoors he just wanted to have someone with him.
I often wonder if I was not living here will he do more. Otherwise I am doing a lot as a mother and grandmother.
My daughter feels comfortable with her partner doing certain things around the house. She will not allow him to other things. Okay I get it as she has been mistreated and taken advantage in the past therefore she will not lean on any man for anything. So, I am catching everything that she will not allow him to do. It’s very sad.
I am so tired mentally and emotionally. It feels like I am taking care of three children and our furry friend.
Her partner fails to understand her needs, feelings as she is struggling with some medical challenges. I feel he is not supportive of her feelings and he fails to educate himself about her medical challenges which makes her feel stressed.
My household is very complex.
I’m approaching 60 and this is not easy for me.
My daughter is also in college, works full time, full time mom for two children. I have no idea how she is making this work. But I know for sure it’s very stressful for her but she is not the type to give up regardless of the struggles as she want to make a better life for her children and she wants to mold her partner into a stay at home dad and help him with a business of his own. I’m not even sure if he will appreciate all that she is doing to prepare for a better future for them all.
I’m sorry if this is long but I needed to get this off my chest. It saddens me as I write this and tears are falling down my face.
@courageousLemon182
Your feelings are completely valid, and I just want to acknowledge how much you are carrying on your shoulders. It’s clear that you love your family deeply, and you’re doing everything you can to hold things together, even when it feels overwhelming. That kind of strength is not easy, and I hope you take a moment to recognize just how much you are doing for the people around you.
It’s frustrating when responsibilities aren’t shared equally, and even more so when you feel like you're filling in all the gaps. Your concerns about your daughter’s partner make perfect sense support isn’t just about doing the bare minimum; it’s about being present, understanding, and truly sharing the weight of life together. It sounds like he’s putting in effort in some areas, but he’s falling short in ways that really matter, especially when it comes to emotional support and stepping up in moments that could lighten your load.
I hear your exhaustion, both mentally and emotionally. You’re not just helping with the household; you’re acting as a buffer for your daughter, ensuring your grandson is cared for, and trying to maintain balance in a situation where you shouldn’t have to do it all. That’s a lot for anyone, let alone someone who has already given so much over the years. You deserve support too.
I don’t know if this helps, but please know that your presence is making a difference, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. Your daughter is pushing through an incredibly demanding situation, and while she may not say it all the time, she knows she can keep going because you are there. Your grandson still has someone who sees him and wants to give him moments of joy. And even in the chaos, you’re setting an example of what love and responsibility should truly look like.
I hope you can find ways to take care of yourself, even in small ways. You are just as important as everyone else in that household, and you deserve moments of peace too. Whether it’s setting clearer boundaries, having an open conversation with your daughter about how this is impacting you, or even finding time to just step away and breathe I truly hope you can find relief.
You are doing more than enough. And even if no one says it often enough I see you. You are appreciated. You are loved. You matter.
