Let's Share Our Story
Hey 💜 How are you doing recently? In conjunction with this event, let’s have a bit of a chat together. It’s going to be sweet and simple.
Honestly, this event is a heavy topic for me to talk about. So let’s take turns to share our story. It’s okay if you’re uncomfortable taking part in this. Reading this all the way to the end is also welcomed 😊
I’ll share first. Coping with feeling suicidal and dealing with suicidal thoughts has never been easy for me. It’s a back and forth journey. Although for most of the times I’m doing the best I can to cope with this feeling of hopelessness and empty in my life, it always ends up with these thoughts:
“My efforts are just wasted”
“My loved ones are better off without me”
“My life has been a failure all the way so why not just end this suffering right now”
“I don’t have any will to live anymore”
“No one will understand my thoughts and what I’m feeling”
“I am worthless to everyone so why bother existing anyway”
“I have nothing to look forward anymore”
And more thoughts. It takes me a long time to free myself from these thoughts and feelings. I’m not the one who often usually feels this way and have such thoughts but I can relate and understand how hard it is to prevent myself from being suicidal. The thoughts are addictive to my mind. When the darkness has taken over me, I have become comfortable to be in it. One day, someone reached out to me, showed me where the light was. Just like how our eyes looking at the bright sun after being in darkness for a long time, it made me uncomfortable with its present. However, they showed me a way around to be comfortable with it by telling me this:
“ I’m sorry to hear that. I never thought that you’re going through this state. Attempting suicide is not the way to cope with it. The one around you loves you and cares a lot about you and so do I. Your life is precious and valuable. Keeping all your thoughts and feelings to yourself is fine by me but it doesn't make anything right and better for you if they keep messing you up. Please tell me your thoughts, lay out how you feel about this and what you are feeling at the moment. I’m all ears. Please let me help you out”
The sincerity of their words touched my heart. With that encouragement and support from them, I manage to get out of my own darkness. I’m really grateful for their presence.
My journey doesn’t end there. After some time, I figured out that there are people around me struggling with the same issue just like mine. When I heard about that, I felt like crying. I truly care and love them. I hear them out. They have different reasons from mine but i could totally understand how it makes sense in their life. After hearing them out, it encouraged me more to help them out. All I could do for them is just to send them supportive texts and check up on them regularly. It’s nothing much but I really hope that things are doing better for them. I don’t want to see them suffer and if I could do more, I want to take away some of their pain. Now, seeing them taking steps to grow better each day makes me happy. They inspired me to grow better as well without me realizing it. My journey will keep going.
That’s the end of my share for now 😊 It doesn’t matter who you are, I want to let you know that you matter. I may not have witnessed all your struggles but I wanted to let you know that all of your efforts to become better won’t be in vain. The pain that you’re experiencing at the moment will pass soon. Thank you for all the sacrifice and good deeds that you’ve made in the past for others. I appreciate it all and I wish all the good deeds, kindness and sacrifices that you’ve made before will come to your aid and support throughout your growth and journey. I know how hard it is to be patient during this critical time and you’re doing a great job hanging in there. We love you for who you are and your presence means a lot more than you thought. I know you can get through it, I know that you’ll reach the top soon. And on top of all, I deeply believe in you. If there are people around you struggling with the same thing, let's pass this message to this to them. Who knows one small supportive and empathetic act and word from us can turn things around for them.
I’ve done my share so now it’s your turn: What makes you struggle to combat with suicidal thoughts/feeling suicidal/negative thoughts and how could you combat with it?
Looking forward for your reply 💜
@kdsyahirah
Awww this is both heart wrenching and heart warming at the same time. Certainly not an easy thing to talk about, it's indeed painful knowing anyone's struggling so much, I'm so so sorry you've been there :/ *offers hugs*, but you did so well here, Sya, the heart warming part is your intention behind sharing your own story, and the most comforting words ever. I'm super proud of you. 💜
You are a beautiful person, your presence alone lights up this world, making it a much better place for all of us, so thank*you* for trusting your people, for believing in yourself, for keeping hope inside you, for trying your best, for holding on at the time when you were losing your grip, thankyou for being here and for inspiring so many others to try holding on also, and to let them know the tunnel may be dark, but there's either light at the end of it, or the light is within oneself ~ we just have to brave it in ourselves and turn the switch back on to witness our own magic. 💜
Something that I find helpful, is a combination of different affirmations/ reminders to self hehe, "this too shall pass", "keep swimming", "better times ahead", to mention a few.
To find ways to practice self-kindness, and ofcourse reaching out for support when needed, it never will be a comfortable thing to do, but necessary? Heck yes! Little steps always count, sometimes it is okay to reach out to hold someone's hand while we cross that dark tunnel, maybe that was the little light we needed at the time being. And a "little" becomes "a lot" when it's the most *visible* thing we are trying to hold onto, it does matter. 💜
Sending so much love and strength to you and everyone coming across. 💜
Yes, you're important, you are not taking unnecessary space, you have a significant place in this world and it may seem like it but No, the world won't be the same without *you*, don't let anything or anyone tell you otherwise ever, not even your own mind, the worst of them all sometimes mhm? Yes, not even your sometimes meanie mind should be allowed to tell otherwise. 💜
(Thankyou again for this post, Sya)
@Sunisshiningandsoareyou aww thank you sun you're the sweetest. Yes things are really rough at first but sometimes we need time to discover our final and most awaited destination. Thank you for your kind words that you've sent to us. It means a lot 💜 and no worries, it's all my pleasure sun :)
💜 @kdsyahirah Sending love! 💜
Thank you for sharing. I hope this encourages others to share their stories. 🙂
I have had depression, but not suicidal thoughts.
@fww1976 even though depression is different from having suicidal thoughts, both of them took all of our courage just to reach out to others for helps. We're in this together *sending you hugs, loves and strength for you* and it's all good. Thank you for reading my post :)
Oh definitely. What I have learned is the more we talk about this stuff the less alone many of us feel. How are you doing now?
I have had depression and some major anxiety throughout different points in my life. Most of it isn’t necessarily situational but rather just something that comes in like a sickness
I can definitely identify with a lot of the OP’s feelings. I don’t find a lot of joy in my life anymore. I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety my entire life. I’m almost 50, divorced for 10 years and have been single for 3 years. I had a 4 year engagement end 3 years ago. I only have a few friends and I don’t hang out with family that much because of the drama and drinking. I stopped drinking a few years ago but still struggle occasionally with that. I also am trying to stop with the evening smoking. Pre pandemic I was off benzos, hasn’t smoked in 4 years, was 50 pounds lighter, and was running 7 days a week and lifting 4 or 5. I hate the way I look, that I am back on beznos, smoking and put the weight back on. I am weaning off them and trying to quit smoking. I have my kids half of the time and they are the reason I won’t go through with it when I have suicidal thoughts. I’m often lonely and sad many days a week especially when I don’t have my girls. I cry several times per week. I do counseling, but I’m not really going to AA anymore. I’m trying to get back into running. Feels like I gave up so much. But I guess I shouldn’t look behind me, I’ve already been there.