The loop

I feel as though my life is stuck in a loop of some kind. I wake up every morning & do the same things. I dread nighttime because it’s when everyone goes to sleep & I know that when i go to sleep & I wake, it’ll be the same thing as the previous days before. I try to find different things to do throughout my days, but by the middle of the week, everything is clean & there’s not much needed to be done. I don’t have a job currently but am searching & i find it difficult to get any reply, but I’m still trying. I’m home alone Monday-Friday from 7am to about 4pm. It gets lonely, boring & i spend alot of time with my thoughts. I look forward to 4:30pm everyday bc that’s when my boyfriend gets home, i look forward to the weekends because he doesn’t have to work & I won’t have to be alone. I hate being alone. I hate being by myself. I love having his company. I can’t wait to get a job so that I will have SOMETHING to do each day, a reason to wake up each morning. I want to feel like I have a purpose. I don’t want to feel stuck. I don’t want to feel like each day is the same as the day before. I don’t want to feel like a burden. I don’t want to depend on anyone else for financial support. I want to feel understood. I want out of this loop.