Repeated Rejections

I graduated from IIT Bombay (Topmost institution in India) last year (2024). It was a lot of struggle to get it, had to crack world's toughest exam in the world, spent 2 years nothing but study for that exam. After I got into the university, I slacked off a lot initially and in third semester ended up having a backlog and lowest possible grades in rest of the courses. Obviously, that's when it hit me, I need to get my life back on track. I studied constantly over and over, burnt myself, sacrificed sleeps and time with friends (ended up having just one friend at the time of graduation), just to up my pointer.

I always wanted to a PhD. I applied for grad schools in my final year of bachelors (2023). I didn't get into any university, because of less experience and poor academic record.

I applied again in November-December 2024. But this time my final grade was well above 3.0 out of 4.0, had to push my limits too much in the last year for this. And I had 6 months research experience in the field of my interest. Yet, I got REJECTED AGAIN. No single admit, I don't know how to deal with this now, I have put so many efforts from time to time just to make up for my slacking in 2021.

Honestly I messed up just once in my undergrad, cause of which I am still reaping. Yes, just ONCE, I was always a bright student, that's how I got into IIT Bombay in the first place, but you commit one mistake and it's sticking with me and all my other efforts are getting completely disregarded. I don’t know how much more efforts or how long will it take to nullify that. I am really tired and emotionally drained and shattered. I don't have it in me to continue anymore. I just wanna give up, marry and be a housewife and throw away all my dreams.