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HappierAni77
1 820 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts115 Forum posts26 Forum upvotes31 Current upvotes31 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceJanuary 15, 2025
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Repeated Rejections
Work & Career / by HappierAni77
Last post
 February 11th
...See more I graduated from IIT Bombay (Topmost institution in India) last year (2024). It was a lot of struggle to get it, had to crack world's toughest exam in the world, spent 2 years nothing but study for that exam. After I got into the university, I slacked off a lot initially and in third semester ended up having a backlog and lowest possible grades in rest of the courses. Obviously, that's when it hit me, I need to get my life back on track. I studied constantly over and over, burnt myself, sacrificed sleeps and time with friends (ended up having just one friend at the time of graduation), just to up my pointer. I always wanted to a PhD. I applied for grad schools in my final year of bachelors (2023). I didn't get into any university, because of less experience and poor academic record. I applied again in November-December 2024. But this time my final grade was well above 3.0 out of 4.0, had to push my limits too much in the last year for this. And I had 6 months research experience in the field of my interest. Yet, I got REJECTED AGAIN. No single admit, I don't know how to deal with this now, I have put so many efforts from time to time just to make up for my slacking in 2021. Honestly I messed up just once in my undergrad, cause of which I am still reaping. Yes, just ONCE, I was always a bright student, that's how I got into IIT Bombay in the first place, but you commit one mistake and it's sticking with me and all my other efforts are getting completely disregarded. I don’t know how much more efforts or how long will it take to nullify that. I am really tired and emotionally drained and shattered. I don't have it in me to continue anymore. I just wanna give up, marry and be a housewife and throw away all my dreams.
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I am guilty for my mistakes, but I am getting way too consumed by it!
Relationship Stress / by HappierAni77
Last post
 January 19th
...See more So, I had a bestfriend, and I hurt him terribly by keeping something from him for 2 months. Actually the mistake was grave and a dealbraker. I take full responsibility for my mistake and I have been repenting since he found out. I was eventually going to tell him, but he found out through someone else. I totally agree, what I did was bad, and cannot be forgiven. I have written thousands of texts to him, but all he did was ignore me. I understand that he doesn't need to forgive me and I also understand if he never wants to talk to me again. Just I have written a lot to him, here's a snippet of my apology as well: "I agree with you. I consciously did whatever hurt you. You had no choice in what I did. Now, I have no choice in how you respond to me. You don’t owe me another chance, don’t need to accept my apology, and don’t need to forgive me. I am not going to push you to accept my apology; that would just mean adding yet another proof of my selfishness and inconsideration. I want to prioritize both your feelings and your needs, which I should have done earlier as well. And I will follow this by completely respecting your boundaries. I acknowledge your ignorance as your request and give ample space, which I wasn’t giving essentially. I know I said I would try again and again and, of course, do my very best to bring any ground of peace to our friendship. This is me trying, but I also realize that continuing to reach out will only further damage the relationship, hence the space and allowing time for your feelings to settle before considering any future communication." This is just like 10%. He hasn't even replied with even a single text and has left me on seen since days. I have archived him over whatsapp but the app's UI sucks. The archived chats are right at the top and constantly showing how many unread are present there. Whenever a number of unread message appears, I rush to check whether it's his text only to my dissapointment. I know he may never reply me. I know I did my part by apologising wholeheartedly, but it's driving me mad. The constant checking, the desparation of waiting for his text, it's really bugging the *** out of me. It only adds more regret and I feel more and more sick. I really don't wanna get consumed by this. I have done my part and now I am ready to move on, but I am not able to.
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