Schitzoeffective disorder

8 years ago or so I was diagnosed scitzoeffective disorder. They initially thought it was  drug and alcohol induced but I was not using drugs or alcohol in the period of my life when my symptoms started. I was prescribed olanzapaine at night and aripiprazole in the morning. I did put on weight I was pree diabetic, 18 stone under 40 years old, that's cause of the olanzapaine. But I lost the weight and I don't have type 2 diabetes, and glad.

In September 2022 I moved out my elderly mothers home as she ask me to come back when I was diagnosed and she would support me. But in 2022 I made the decision to move out my mothers as it was not fair on her putting up with me and my symptoms, she deserves to retire in peace and quite.

So I was staying on my own, I did not no many people in the area, I was very isolated and alone. I ended up getting in touch with and old friend on *** he was more or less in a similar situation with his mental health. Only he could get weed and other narcotics. When I was young I had a alcohol and drugs habit. So now I'm very carefully not to become addicted. 

So I've been smoking weed now and then, I try to have tiny bit, I don't really get high it just makes my symptoms easier to deal with, and I can concentrate to watch TV or read a book. But I don't smoke 24/7. I have been dabbling with other narcotics but I don't need a certain drug, all I'm doing is taking the negative edge of off life. I've tried for so long on many different antipsychotics antidepressants and sleeping pills, with no benefit to me. If anything the mental health professionals have given me brain damage with the amount of medication they have given me. I no longer trust the mental health care given, in the area I live I don't trust any health care, doctors, nurses, phycriatic doctors, dentist even. all lack professionalism and empathy with parents. They get you in for an appointment and 10 min later rush you out. I have no faith in the health care what do ever. If I could move to a new area with different health care facilities I would but it wont happen quick if atall. So I'm trapped living ***. Not just my health the condition of my rented accommodation, the area it's in, I've been beat up robbed I've not went to police cause I don't trust them from past experience. What gets me is so many organisations claim they can help, but when It comes down to it they don't really. Every where gives you the same links online or contact numbers to phone like a crisis line or smaratains that is not what I need. What I need is alternative to antipsychotic medication but I'm not offered any in the area I live. I wish I was not registered with the mental health as their involvement in life since 2022 when i moved along with other issues has had a major impact on mental health severely. They have certainly picked up on this but still they continue to do as they please making me feel harrassed and stressed I've started suffering anxiety now alone with my originally symptoms, they act like I have a cumplusary treatment order but I don't. even the local charities were no use. There is no help. not one person anywhere had stood up to help or give me simple to understand advice with my best interests at heart. If it was me I would stand up to help and go beyond the call of duty to help someone In my position, I don't understand why any one elses would not do the same. Clearly these people who I contacted are in the wrong job, cause they don't seem to care. It's a terrible state of affairs. Life is a terrible infliction for me, I always thought I would get better but now I doubt it very much. My symptoms are difficult to live with. It's not a nice way to feel every time you wake up. That's where weed helps. If I wake up feel so bad, the mental health team suggest anti depressants or mood stabilizers as such but they have terrible side effects and when your on then it's no an easy ride coming of them. So if I'm that bad in the morning when I get up, I'll have a tiny bowel of weed on a pipe and that's it, have a shower, I can do every day tasks with out stress and agro. Some times I have no appetite weed helps with that, I can watch TV read a book as I mentioned I can even concentrate to play a video game.  But I don't have weed all the time, I don't want a high tolerance so I need to smoke more and more, it's quite expensive anyway if your deemed to unwell to work.

As for other narcotics it's no a regular thing, every month or so after all my bills are paid out goings I'm sitting on Own I'm so bored and lonely I feel as now and again I need to stimulate my brain with a stimulate such as cocaine or mdma. I used amphetamine alot when I was a teenager and I don't want to be awake for so long. But I don't feel myself craving drugs I have no addiction, cause I'm actually quite clued up about drugs, alcohol the effects negative and positive withdrawals, from Life experience. So I'm stuck in limbo, living I. ***, trapped, no way out. It's not good situation to be in 😞

Just to add I no longer take medication as it was not helping me. I came off them to quickly so suffered with drawls which are worse than your symptoms just adding to your problems.