Delusions and accessing crisis services
CW: delusions, self-destructive thoughts/behaviour, hospitalisation, frustration with the medical system, childhood trauma mention . . . Hi there! I've always had delusions and hallucinations, especially pre age 10-15 or so. (It seems like they're connected to my young brain trying trying to cope with severe childhood trauma). The hallucinations have gone from vivid visual and auditory ones several times a week down to pretty much only tactile ones rarely when I'm really stressed. The delusions... I thought those were getting better, but maybe it's more like they've gotten sneakier and harder to detect. Or maybe they were always sneaky, it's just easier to see them in retrospect haha. Anyways, I've been sorta tossed around the mental health system for almost the past decade, nothing really fitting quite right, and just recently I'm starting to really learn about how delusional-type thoughts might be playing bigger role in some of the stuff I've been working through than I realised. I was hospitalised earlier this year and one challenge that really scared me was trying to get the health professionals to understand why I wasn't safe to be released just yet. They'd look at me, see me trying to get better, and think I was fine... but I wasn't: I was having really frequent episodes with these intense thoughts surrounding death and freedom, associating self-harm/blood with purity and getting rid of the filth I felt like was growing under my skin. I did eventually manage to get them to understand, but I'm scared of needing to go back, it's hard enough trying to manage without also needing to convince doctors that I need help. :( I'm still new to figuring all this out, I don't even know what's going on with me, but I thought maybe some other folks on here might have experienced something similar so I don't feel so alone. Is anyone else frustrated with the way even mental health professionals don't seem to always understand that there's more involved with being in danger due to mental health than just being depressed? I'm that too, but I wish they'd understood that me wanting to live wasn't enough, that I didn't need to push so hard to get them to see I needed more help until I could stabilise. Thanks everyone and I hope you all have a lovely day <3
@happytales I've read about other people who've had similar experiences—professionals who only look at the surface of things and who find it difficult to accept that there's more going on. There seem to be some therapists and psychiatrists who do try to see the full picture, but they seem to be rare and difficult to find.
Charlie