An Open Letter to Those with Mental Illness
“I had moments of lucidity. They were few, but I had them. Sometimes the drugs did work. But there were people who didn't get better, even with the medicine. What good is hospitalisation, then? To gather together the human debris.”
-Rodrigo de Souza Leão, All Dogs Are Blue
Mental illness varies greatly among individuals. As I move through my eighth psychotropic drug trial I feel a twinge of grief, but also optimism.
These medications are no joke, and the decision to trust a mental health professional is never easy. I hadn’t seen mine in six years because my last med change resulted in my second hospitalization, but I was also fortunate enough to be in a quality program that made sure I never came back. If you don’t need medicinal intervention, consider yourself a lucky star, but please do not negate the dangers of non-compliance as it pertains to the well being of others simply due to ignorance or an insecure intention to perpetuate the problem.
My family tree has been horrifically poisoned, and there were some environmental factors that certainly didn’t help. People love to tell me that every family is dysfunctional, but mine is uniquely trauma bonded. It feels like there’s been more funerals than christmases.
Mental illness is very real, so real that the alternative to sound treatment is a shortened and grim life expectancy. I stayed, even when my condition tried to steal the very air from my lungs. I stayed, even when the whispering in my ears and the planning stages grew to a fatal volume. I stayed, even when reinforced by the lie that they’d all be better off.
For those who do understand, I see you. The side effects of medication alone can be daunting, but I can also feel the relief leaking in after years of white knuckling it. What works for me may not work for you and the decision to disclose requires bravery, but please don’t ever allow shame or guilt to cost you your life or deny you your access to healthcare.
Telling my story outloud has been more cathartic than any doctor’s office, but that’s only one piece of the puzzle. If you’re experiencing that dark night of the soul; if your own family rejects you; if you have to do it alone, please stay. These kinds of monsters grow in the dark and are emboldened by generations of devastating silence. Please stay for the countless others whose chains will be broken by your telling, and so too your suffering will not be in vain.
@blitheSun94
Thank you for being so vulnerable and open about your experiences :) Your insight and creativity is much needed here.
On a side note, I too know what it is like to struggle with medications. It is a very hard thing to manage, especially with a bipolar or schizophrenia related disorder
@Endure777
Hello, Endure! You're absolutely right. That said, I think you have the perfect screen name for this topic. Enduring is definitely the hard part. Being proactive and open to changes in medical planning is both important and difficult. Weening on and off these medications can take its toll on your body and mind, and that's where the cost-benefit analysis lies for each of us. Every story is different yet similar, and that's what keeps me talking.
Thank you for reading. <3
@blitheSun94
Thank you for sharing. It was a therapeutic read.
My hesitancy of medications had me refusing because the healthcare professionals did not want to describe or explain the side effects. My fear looked like aggression and over medicating me felt like their best option. I did not receive group or talk therapy when I was on a unit. I feel like I deserved it, though. They did not offer these options. This is a huge barrier for my desire to seek services.
I finally have come around to recognizing that medications are a requirement for myself and maintaining my anxiousness of my potential actions. I did not wish to have sedation or be provided some of the medications that are known to cause addiction. I did not feel heard or that it mattered when I declined (we all have a right to refuse) some medication types.
It is tough to accept a trial of anything, nothing, something, this thing, that thing, or this one, especially when the results are mostly observed by the prescribing physician and not ourselves. They say we are sick but yet, do not want to sit and explain what they are observing. I hoped that at least one nurse really wanted to work at my fear of communication. That did not happen.
Therapy and in-depth discussion shouldn't be withheld on a psych ward. It should be present. We would be better off and have better treatment outcomes.
@5up1downkindalife
Hello, Five! Thank you for your thoughtful response. You are absolutely correct. The quality of mental health programs have varied widely in my personal experience. My first hospitalization was largely useless other than that it served as crisis intervention, but the second one took. I was fortunate enough to enter an intense in-patient program when I needed it the most. They did offer group therapy and that is where I learned peer support models are my favorite, much like 7 Cups here.
I like to say finding the right therapist is a lot like dating. It takes time a diligence to find the right practitioner for you and I have broken up with many along the way. The way I look at it, medication should serve as a tool and therapy should bolster the coping skills we are unable to develop without it. For some it is temporary, for others it is long term.
My prayer for you is that you find what serves you best very soon. Have you looked into free community meetings? That has been a good place to start in my experience, especially is healthcare options in your area have many barriers.
Best wishes to you. <3
I had been on psych drugs in the past for 10 yrs and honestly the best decision i made was to get off all of them i do have Bipolar disorder but for me medicine isn't the right path for me I think that's great if others can use them though! I also have mild ceberal palsy as well too so my brain is more sensitive to medicine in general. I'm a very emotional person despite my disorder i don't allow it to define my feelings and thoughts on anything. I don't let my disorder define me its only apart of me! Kudos to those who can use medicine to treat it .
I'm thankful for being able to manage on a more natural path of coping with it
I'm very careful as to what I put in my body and try my best to be as simple as possible not using chemicals in medicine wise. ❤❤❤
@LovelyFrog8934
Hello, Lovely! I completely understand and respect your story. I am very conservative about medication myself. This go around, however, I could feel the decline and knew I needed a lift. I have gone for great lengths of time unmedicated and there are certainly more holistic approaches that help. To be honest, what helps me most is still federally illegal and so there's that which deserves consideration as well.
Thank you for being a voice here on this thread for those on a similar path. <3
@blitheSun94
Heyy!!
Yeah I've used CBD and valium through the years! Which has helped me you're welcome glad I can be able to share as well too
I'm 33 and have had ups and downs but I'm doing pretty well now and very thankful!!❤❤❤❤❤
@LovelyFrog8934
I am 33 also, at least until November. 🙂
Awwww yay !! I'll be 34 in September 😄❤
@blitheSun94
Hey there, I know you have been struggling a lot with not being able to express what are you feeling, but I am glad that you told your story out loud and I am proud of you. Keep holding on in your journey, something will come up. something always comes up.
@edmurWill
This is true. I have felt locked up for a while now. In fact, I think this may have been the latest meaningful thing I’ve written. Thank you for you validation. I will certainly be working on that.
I relate quite well to most of what you had written, especially the parts about the family. I appreciate the fact you shared this. I hope for good things for you and others
@passionateThinker3248
Thank you for reading. 🙏🏻
@blitheSun94
Blithe Sun, Your writing is an amazing testament to the human spirit and I'm very grateful to read your share.
With love and courage, Rose
I wish for nothing more. Thank you, kindly.
Thank you 💜🫶💜
@einnaot7
You're most welcome.
