BPD

(trigger warning domestic violence, SA, court system)

My ex partner may have bpd or something or some sort of other mental health conditions and has pre-existing ones and an unfathomable amount of childhood trauma and otherwise, but he became really physically, sexually, and emotionally abusive to me and we recently split this Monday (the straw that broke the camels back was after all the psychological torture and pain he’d put me through, he was cheating on me too because I wasn’t feeding his ego enough because I was so exhausted from being put down constantly and beat up if I asked about it. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions that I’m still in and out of, I can’t stop missing him it hurts so bad I haven’t slept in my bed yet and haven’t eaten much or showered or brushed my teeth. but he seems to have just moved on and I don’t want him to think he’s getting away with it. I just can’t stop feeling guilty, he does deserve help too but I deserve justice, I’m just conflicted if pressing charges is the way to go right now. Preparing anyways, but honestly he *** with my head so much I don’t remember a lot of the incidences clearly, just that it was terrifying and I don’t know how it escalated so quickly from me asking simple questions. I have pictures of some of the bruises, and audio recordings and texts with him admitting it. And witnesses that may be willing to testify if I do, but the idea of putting him through the system is still so scary because I do care and want him to get help but he refused when we were together and is refusing to now still, he just sits at home in his own thoughts or works his feelings away which is the equivalent to running away from them in my opinion. I just wish in a different universe he didn’t go through so much in his life so he didn’t put me through the same things. Hurt people hurt people and it really *** sucks letting those people go.