I had a manic episode in July 2020 that led me to voluntarily check in to the psychiatric ward. I was in a state of psychosis after being up for days. I believed people could read my mind and that people on television were directly addressing me. I was having feelings of paranoia and couldn't explain what was happening to me without alarming the people around me. I had never gone through anything like that in my life and I was terrified.
I work in childcare. I am responsible for the lives of children. I went through my psychotic episode during Covid and I was "working from home" at the time. I remember being thankful that I wasn't actually physically responsible for any children while I was going through this. When I was in the hospital I saw the daycare center for the staff during one of our morning walks and I remember thinking that I'll never be able to go back to doing what I love. I cried during that walk.
I talked with an advisor and he reassured me that many people who suffer from bipolar and many people who have gone through psychotic episodes, go on to lead very normal lives. He told me that if I want to go back to work in childcare that I should make it a goal, so I did.
I took time before I went back. I wasn't comfortable enough to take care of myself at first let alone anyone else. I took some time to heal from what I went through and adjust to life afterward. Eventually I felt like I could trust my own reality again. I could trust myself to make choices. After a while I decided it was time to go back to work. I felt like myself again.
I went back to work in September 2020 and I've been working since then. I even got a new job at a better school.
Please please heal first. Heal your mind. Take your time. Allow yourself the grace that you need. Focus on nothing but yourself until you feel like yourself again. Then go back to teaching. We need teachers that love to teach so you cannot be spared. But heal first.
My experience in the hospital gave me a whole new perspective to bring back to the classroom. As a patient, I got to experience life, sort of, in the same way my students do. my life was scheduled for me with activities, meals, routines. We were taken on daily walks outside which I mentioned earlier. We were given enriching Art experiences to help us cope with our confusing emotions. I got to see what I liked about this type of environment vs what made me feel confined and upset or confused.
I hope any of what I've said has helped.
