No way out

I feeling like I'm spiraling as well. I feel like my life is slipping out of my control qnd my mind has already took off full spead ahead into psychosis. I seem to be pushing everyone away again and I am all alone and miserable. The worst part is not even being able to comprehend what I did am doing wrong and how to fix it. I wont be able to see that until I crash and I feel that is coming soon. The darkness is catching up and soon my mind will become dense and heavy my heart will be weighed down with guilt and ugly self loathing. I will have no energy to put the pieces back together even though I will finally be able to see why they all hate me. Why everyone went away. I WILL ALSO NEED TO GET AWAY FROM ME. Dam bi-polar sucks.