I think I

Hello! My name is Tage, and Ive been struggling with my bipolar disorder. This past month, Ive been in my mixed state, causing me to have out bursts, rapid mood swings, sleep deprivation, hallucinations, hearing things, etc. Unfortunately, people around me have been noticing, and demand to know whats wrong. But how can I tell them whats wrong, if nothing really happened to make me feel the way I feel? That the problem is me?

They want a quick fix from me. They know about my bipolar disorder, but not in the details that I desperately need them to know. Because of this, I isolate myself. I dont want to hurt them. Im afraid if I try to explain, theyll think its not true. Plus, I hate explaining things, and theyre the kinds of people who think just one pep-talk fixes everything. I know Im not that simple.

Im ill mentally and physically... My heart has been suffering from the lack of sleep for three weeks, along with a list of other things. Because of my mixed state has made me think of ending it all more than once for the past few days. I know I cant listen to thoughts like that, but the way Ive been feeling for years, the cycling, getting worse and worse each time has made me finally consider it... Im so sorry. I just didnt know what else to do, or whats left to fight back my emotions. Maybe, if I just let my mood swings go and express them, theyll go away. But then, Ill hurt someone, or create more chaos and damage.