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Tage
1,950 M Hopeful Heart 2
PathStep 115 Compassion hearts40 Forum posts37 Forum upvotes41 Current upvotes41 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2022 Member sinceSeptember 26, 2017
Recent forum posts
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Help! Loosing Friends/ Coping with the Void
Depression Support / by Tage
Last post
 April 22nd, 2022
...See more Hello! I don’t even know where to start. For years I had two best friends. They were like sisters to me. We were always in a circle together. They even saved my life from attempted suicide a few years back and got me the help I desperately needed. We are in our early 20’s now and trying to build our now independent lives while also supporting each other. That is, until last spring. One of my friends found a boyfriend last year and moved 45 minutes away. No real problems yet. Just means a longer drive. However, for the past year the other friend in the circle and I have barely seen her. We try desperately to make plans and have her involved but she either wants the boyfriend to tag along so she can keep all of her attention on the boyfriend, leaves very early to be off with the boyfriend, or cancels plans last minute. I would of never thought she would become so dependent on this guy that she’s only known for over a year now over the friends that helped and support for over 10. I tried to brush it off as typical newly couple, puppy love but it’s getting ridiculous. All my empathy and understanding has run out and I tried to set some boundaries, especially about the plan canceling which became an almost guarantee thing whenever plans were made for just seeing each other. She got unnecessarily angry at me and wouldn’t talk to me for weeks. (All I asked calmly was to give me a little more heads up.) She treats the other friend the same way. It’s so sickening. She barely talks to me anymore. Even just a call or text asking how things are going. So, I’m in a way giving up on bending over backwards to have her, “grace me with her presence.” I’m utterly heart broken. If it weren’t for her, I would be dead. I still have my time and talk with my the other friend of the group and she’s been wonderful. However, she has other friends and family she takes time and honestly I think leaning on due to all of this. All the right too her! She doesn’t have to spend all her free time with me. However, I have no friends. I have no family to lean on too. In my life, it was just us three for years. Now, I’ve been coping with this void and it’s eating me alive. I haven’t found anyone out in the wild that connects with me. I’m not desperate to find someone. I enjoy my own presence too. I just can’t be alone all the time. Especially during the time where we used to spend that time together, or had group chats, phone calls, just knew without a doubt that someone loved me. I’ve been having breakdowns almost everyday for the past 2 weeks. I don’t want to eat. I’m having a hard time going to sleep. I struggle with my basic needs like showering now. And I can’t even reach out to the people I always relied on and called, “family.” I can’t even try. I don’t want attention out of pity. So much more is happening but this is my main obstacle because it used to be where I went to be safe. So, how do you cope with being alone when it’s not good for you? Why do I love myself yet feel so uncomfortable that the few people I love don’t really love me anymore. I do I not full back into being a depressed suicidal mess? Any advice, please….
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My only friends are talking to my abuser. Help.
Trauma Support / by Tage
Last post
 June 25th, 2021
...See more Hello. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD for three years now from sexual and emotional abuse from a couple different people. They are all connected and know each other in some way. Yesterday my closest friends (sisters basically) confessed that they are back in contact with my worst abuser (who is also a girl for context.) I didn’t react at first. I’m an emotional repressor and just wanted to have fun. Later that night the moment I was alone, I blew up crying, shaking, and wanting to vomit. They said they’re doing this for their own closure and want to be close again. I messaged them the same night that I am happy for them but wished they didn’t do this. They’re upset with me now and said that they would call me. Nothing so far. I can’t go into everything this girl did to me because it’s really hard to talk about and it’s a list a mile long of years of emotional and sexual abuse just from her alone. And if I haven’t met her, the other people who abused me too would of left me alone. I would of never met them. I haven’t had been triggered this bad in a long time. Last night, I spend all hours of the night sobbing. And when I finally feel asleep from the exhaustion, I woke right back up trembling uncontrollably. Right now I feel so sick and weak. If anyone has any ideas on how to ease the physical symptoms I would love to hear it. Theses girls have a good idea of what I’ve been through. I don’t know if they truly know the whole picture or just forgot the severity I couldn’t say. It boggles my mind that the people who saved my life from committing suicide wants to be friends with one of the people who played a huge role of putting me in that situation in the first place. I don’t know if I will ever be truly healed or just too broken to fix my symptoms. I wish I could get help for it right now but it’s not an option at the moment. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so upset. I’ve never been this triggered in a very long time. I feel so alone and unheard. I’ve been trained to believe that my emotions don’t matter to anyone and this is putting me leaps backwards to my healing path. I feel so worthless. I wonder if I’m just better off alone or dead. Any advice on how to cope will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for hearing my story and sorry for any confusion.
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How Do I Trust Someone Again?
Personality Disorders Support / by Tage
Last post
 August 17th, 2020
...See more Hello, I was diagnosed with BPD two years ago but didn't get the proper help for it. Throughout my life I've been through emotional and sexual abuse from almost everyone who I let into my heart. I'm 20 now and I'm terrified of everyone who tries to be my friend. If they say or do anything good for me, I jump to the conclusion that they want to eventually use and hurt me. So, I've been pushing everyone away. I know it's false thinking but it feels so real. My empathy just turns off and I have a break down. Even the friends and family I still am close with fall victim to this and they call me out on it. How do I cope with this? What can I do to not be so afraid anymore? Should I get professional help? Thank you for listening.
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I Need To Go Back
Eating Disorder Support / by Tage
Last post
 November 25th, 2019
...See more Hi, call me Tage, please. Im 19, and have gone through a lot with depression, taking a lot of anti-depressants. Unsurprisingly, the anti-depressants made me gain extra weight, when I was underweight starting on them. Tonight, Im on the verge of tears, trying so hard to feel good about myself but failing. I want to starve to punish myself and help me feel better. I miss my old body, even though I was truly sick. Starting tomorrow, Im going to give in. Theres more layers to why now, but it doesnt matter to mention. My friends and family are sick of showing my pain anyway, so I truly believe this will help, even if it looks bad on an outside point of view. I dont care, Ive made up my mind. I just want to crawl out of my own skin. Inside and out, Ive felt so disgusting for years. Better keep control with something.
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Dyslexia & Shame (Learning Disabilities)
Disability Support / by Tage
Last post
 April 13th, 2019
...See more My name is Tage and I have dyslexia. Reading, spelling, talking, and putting thoughts into words is nearly impossible. Ive been bullied by my peers though out school, but I never showed how much it bothers me. Now being a senior in high school, our class had to attend this event where professionals showed you how its like in the real world. A packet was involved and one of my friends who knew about my disability helped me fill it out, until she had to leave. I never finished the packet in time. These professionals were watching me however, and pulled me aside. They looked at my straight in the face and told me that I wouldnt never make a living along with other similar things. Shocked, I went to my schools counselor, just to hear her thoughts on it... She agreed with them. Ive already been so ashamed of my disability from the start. Avoiding any chance I got that showed how retarded I am. Family, students, teachers, even people I thought were my friends have called me by every name similar and then some. Im so scared. I cant talk to anyone, because of my dyslexia and I dont want to cry in front of anyone. I wish I had a brain like everyone else.
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I think I
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Tage
Last post
 January 8th, 2018
...See more Hello! My name is Tage, and Ive been struggling with my bipolar disorder. This past month, Ive been in my mixed state, causing me to have out bursts, rapid mood swings, sleep deprivation, hallucinations, hearing things, etc. Unfortunately, people around me have been noticing, and demand to know whats wrong. But how can I tell them whats wrong, if nothing really happened to make me feel the way I feel? That the problem is me? They want a quick fix from me. They know about my bipolar disorder, but not in the details that I desperately need them to know. Because of this, I isolate myself. I dont want to hurt them. Im afraid if I try to explain, theyll think its not true. Plus, I hate explaining things, and theyre the kinds of people who think just one pep-talk fixes everything. I know Im not that simple. Im ill mentally and physically... My heart has been suffering from the lack of sleep for three weeks, along with a list of other things. Because of my mixed state has made me think of ending it all more than once for the past few days. I know I cant listen to thoughts like that, but the way Ive been feeling for years, the cycling, getting worse and worse each time has made me finally consider it... Im so sorry. I just didnt know what else to do, or whats left to fight back my emotions. Maybe, if I just let my mood swings go and express them, theyll go away. But then, Ill hurt someone, or create more chaos and damage.
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