Can't keep doing anything

I'm sorry if the content of the text sounds a bit pessimistic, I just want to share my experience with my bipolarity and kind of vent it once and for all.

The biggest problem that bipolarity has generated in my life was inconstancy, periods that alternate (mania, depression), and nothing lasts for long.

I have already started various activities, mostly by the influence of my parents, but still I was a very active person. But everything I do, an hour I stop doing, usually because of some crisis, when I feel completely unable to do anything, I get it all, and then it is simply impossible to start over, it seems that I simply do not have the energy needed to pick it up again.

I'm not going to lie, most of these things were not something I'd really like to be doing, but for someone with psychological problems, doing something is better than doing nothing. Keep the mind busy, productive, and especially have contact with people outside my family circle.

I've had plans, dreams, desires, ambitions ... But everything I start, I'll hardly finish. Before I complete my goal, the productive phase (mania) turns into a painful depressive relapse, and I become inactive, reclusive, apathetic and disinterested.

I'll tell you what it did to me. I look at successful people for things that seem really interesting, and I automatically know that I can not have them, my mind no longer dreams about anything, it knows that it is impossible to start a search for something and reach the end.

Gradually I feel that all the entertainment I have are just passing times to distract me from my problems. I read a post here on 7cups asking "how do you like to spend the day?" And I did not know what to say. Yesterday I was talking to anonymous people on the internet and they asked me what my hobbies were, my interests, and I also did not know how to say.

In conclusion, when you are not able to build something, keep a constant activity in your life, be it a professional career, a hobby or a sport, you begin to lose track of yourself and your identity.

Currently the only thing I have maintained is my relationship with my girlfriend, it's been a year and a half, my first and only relationship at age 23. We have difficulties, but I strive to keep this with all my might in manic and depressive times. I fear what might happen to me if it ever ends.

I do not know if you have the same problem of not knowing more about what you like or not, just living life as a kind of survival and empty pastimes. But if you know how to help me with this, I would be grateful.

Right now I just know that I want to dream again, and be able to conquer them, keep them, or at least glimpse them.