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FreedomHawk
2,253 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 160 Compassion hearts97 Forum posts201 Forum upvotes244 Current upvotes244 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceMarch 10, 2017
Bio
A shy young man who once gave up living, and now decided to pursue his dreams.
I seek freedom of spirit, overcome my fears, social anxiety disorder and depression.
Let's be better together!
Recent forum posts
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Worried and Lonely
Anxiety Support / by FreedomHawk
Last post
 March 26th, 2022
...See more After a breakup of a 5 year relationship, she stayed with all the social groups we shared, now I'm alone and I don't trust anyone. I wake up every day as if it had all been a nightmare and find that it's real, I get extremely anxious and I don't want to get up to go to work. All day I have triggers that remind me of my situation, I feel constant cold and I wish someone could hug and warm my heart... Just wanted to know that everything is going to be okay eventually, because currently I feel like my world is slowly falling apart, and all this anxiety and depression is getting in the way of my work, I feel like I'm going to be fired soon. If I get fired what will I have left in life?
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5 Years - Confused and Lonely
Relationship Stress / by FreedomHawk
Last post
 March 13th, 2022
...See more Well, after 5 years we had ups and downs, she was always very suspicious person, I never cheated on her (in fact I waited 22 years for the right person, and she had 3 exes before me), but she always brought up this topic, so I even started to doubt my self-control. In April 2021 she broke up with me completely unilaterally, we managed to get back together in June and then we broke up mutually in August. I think there is a certain power in words, if someone accuses you every day of being unfaithful, impure, depraved, you start to doubt reality and accept it. People improve their qualities when they are praised, but if efforts are not recognized, and we are punished for doing what is right... Gradually our correct behavior is discouraged. And I became afraid of betraying her, because I felt my self-control was weaker. I regret bringing up the breakup idea. I said we needed some time apart to fix ourselves, I was afraid of another unilateral break up if things just kept going as they were, but she didn't accept “some time apart”, she asked for a total break up and “maybe someday we could get back together as a couple”. It was a friendly breakup, there was no argument, we were always very mature and respectful people. On our breakup, we remembered our good times, cried together, and said that we still love each other and that we would continue to be friends. But soon she stopped talking to me, didn't invite me to her baptism (which she knew was something important to me), didn't help me when I was kicked out of a social group we shared, and finally blocked me from all social networks. According to her we are friends even without being close to each other, but her attitudes don't seem to be coherent. I don’t understand how 5 years of serious relationship ended up like this, and I don’t know what I did to deserve all of this. My family and friends thought we were going to get married, they don't understand the situation either. It took me months to understand that she would probably just forget me and we would never get back together. I believed those words about love and friendship, but now I doubt everything she said, thanks to her actions…I think it's cruel to keep someone waiting for you while you're moving on. The least to do would be to communicate the other about it. I'm going through my breakup grief over 6 months after the breakup, and I'm still confused, I still love her, but I can't recover as I keep thinking about her. I'd like to fill my thoughts with something else, and my time too, but I have a serious problem, I wake up every day thinking about her and anything reminds me of her. Sorry for the big text :(
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Can't keep doing anything
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by FreedomHawk
Last post
 May 4th, 2018
...See more I'm sorry if the content of the text sounds a bit pessimistic, I just want to share my experience with my bipolarity and kind of vent it once and for all. The biggest problem that bipolarity has generated in my life was inconstancy, periods that alternate (mania, depression), and nothing lasts for long. I have already started various activities, mostly by the influence of my parents, but still I was a very active person. But everything I do, an hour I stop doing, usually because of some crisis, when I feel completely unable to do anything, I get it all, and then it is simply impossible to start over, it seems that I simply do not have the energy needed to pick it up again. I'm not going to lie, most of these things were not something I'd really like to be doing, but for someone with psychological problems, doing something is better than doing nothing. Keep the mind busy, productive, and especially have contact with people outside my family circle. I've had plans, dreams, desires, ambitions ... But everything I start, I'll hardly finish. Before I complete my goal, the productive phase (mania) turns into a painful depressive relapse, and I become inactive, reclusive, apathetic and disinterested. I'll tell you what it did to me. I look at successful people for things that seem really interesting, and I automatically know that I can not have them, my mind no longer dreams about anything, it knows that it is impossible to start a search for something and reach the end. Gradually I feel that all the entertainment I have are just passing times to distract me from my problems. I read a post here on 7cups asking "how do you like to spend the day?" And I did not know what to say. Yesterday I was talking to anonymous people on the internet and they asked me what my hobbies were, my interests, and I also did not know how to say. In conclusion, when you are not able to build something, keep a constant activity in your life, be it a professional career, a hobby or a sport, you begin to lose track of yourself and your identity. Currently the only thing I have maintained is my relationship with my girlfriend, it's been a year and a half, my first and only relationship at age 23. We have difficulties, but I strive to keep this with all my might in manic and depressive times. I fear what might happen to me if it ever ends. I do not know if you have the same problem of not knowing more about what you like or not, just living life as a kind of survival and empty pastimes. But if you know how to help me with this, I would be grateful. Right now I just know that I want to dream again, and be able to conquer them, keep them, or at least glimpse them.
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