Almost got the police called on me again
I had a meltdown because of sensory issues (and I'll be honest- anxiety, insomnia, self-harm, alcoholism, and depression too) and then took off and disappeared impulsively and was gone in the neighborhood wandering for hours and hours and my parents almost called the police on me. My dad finally found me walking on the side of the road and drove me back home. The last time something like this happened, I was talking to my mom in a bookstore in Boston while still in college and I was melting down and she was yelling at me over the phone, so I turned the phone off and disappeared into the city. Today's meltdown I tried to cope with by changing location several times, going for a normal walk, journaling, reading, drinking- nothing worked and I felt like I needed to completely escape all people or I was going to lose my mind.
Has anyone else else had this happen to them? There's just this WILD need to escape, so you leave and you walk and walk and keep walking.
@determinedSea4370
Oh ye, plenty of people feel the need to escape every once in a while. Some sink their entire free time into virtual reality. Heck some ppl even move to an entire different country in the hope things change.
Sometimes we have to accept that things simply get uncomfortable at times. That not everything can be controlled and that however hard you try failure will occur every now and then regardless of effort. THATS OK and NORMAL. sometimes we have to try to get comfortable with not being comfortable.
its also OK to get upset and sometimes overreact to things that hurt you. Those are completely normal things. You will feel all kinds of negative emotions at times. Its important to tell yourself that its OK to feel them. If you are scared angry or sad inside, try not to get frustrated and beat yourself up over it. Pretend that voice inside is your best friend. Would you beat up your best friend if its sad? or would you give them a hug? Give that scared voice inside a hug too, be kind to it and give it love, cause it deserves your care, and you deserve to love yourself regardless of circumstances.
@KasperTheGhosttt Forgot to respond to this! Thank you for your compassion.
@determinedSea4370
I have done this before. I once had a
meltdown and walked for over 24hours, alone, around a very large city. I
did this in winter temperatures and without the proper attire for it
too. I collapsed on the side of the road, someone called an ambulance,
and I was admitted to the hospital. My first ever medical debt- I'll definitely never forget it!
I have had meltdowns since, but nothing of that level has ever happened to me again. When I've had the urge for this, whats worked for me are two opposite things- either shutting myself in my closet, in the dark, with earplugs in use, where I can be deprived of as much sensory input as possible for as long as I require *or* going ahead and letting myself walk, but in a controlled environment, also with earplugs/headphones. Like, I did 5 or 6 hours of walking in a circle recently after a bad meltdown, but I did it in a safe environment at a local park that has a long bike trail, and I did it during the daytime.
These are not suggestions or advice, just relating to what you shared and that I have definitely had that urge before. I think for me it's like... transferring the energy from my overthinking, overstimulated mind into my body and letting it all come out through the physical movement of walking. I know lots of people cope with this in different ways, and I hope you're feeling like you're in a better mind-space by the time you read this.
-A🐸
@AutisticAlannahPeerSupport Sorry to hear about your experience, but I do find some relief that I'm not the only one doing things like this. My parents are rather judgmental people lol. I'm glad that something to your first example has never happened since- that sounds incredibly exhausting, expensive, and distressing. I've shut myself in the bathroom with the lights out and fan on! Okay, I totally get you on the closet example. Yes, and walking for hours in a park is a good outlet too. No, honestly, I take those examples as advice because I already basically do those same things myself lol. Yes and I just got my first proper night's sleep last night after a hellish couple of weeks and I feel more regulated in general now.
Well, I'm glad we can find each other as autistic peers in this space. It can definetly be challenging to find people who can relate to the more specific reasons and expereinces that some autistic people share. 😅 That being said, you are definitely not alone in those feelings or actions, regardless of how your folks or anyone else might make you feel about it! I know for me just knowing that there are *in fact* others who have felt and done some of the same things I have has really helped me grow and feel less stuck in general and less alone in the world. 💌
I'm glad you got some sleep and feel more regulated now. Sleep can be so elusive but ahhh when it happens the right way 😍💫 it can feel so healing!
@determinedSea4370
I'm sorry to hear this happened to you!
The feeling of escape is relatable, I wasn't in exactly the same situation as mentioned here but I reached a point where I just needed to escape. I ended up isolating myself in my room and letting it all out into my pillow. In other circumstances, I have gone out into the woods by my house and took a walk. I found it helpful to breathe when my left foot hit the ground and exhale when my right foot hit the ground.
All in all, I understand how you feel and encourage you to explore methods to cope (sometimes it's nice to vary methods, especially depending on the situation). If you ever need to chat, I am here! 💙
@LovesSprintCars Thank you. The woods are relaxing, aren't they?
@determinedSea4370
They really are, at least for me that is