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I feel unbelievably alone
LostAzure411 January 3rd
.

I was diagnosed a few months back, a bit after I turned 22.

I feel like I was born wrong.

Throughout all of school I tried to make friends. I read their faces and interpreted their words with all my might and I thought I could get by fine. I thought that I didn’t need to have a full understanding of the people around me and they didn’t need to fully understand me. If we were both trying, then it would still end in a decent connection, right?

As time went on the people I thought cared about me would reject me at the slightest misunderstanding, or would drift off despite my best efforts, and I was gradually becoming a loner. I accepted that. These things happen, and we all have our own lives. Then my closest friend betrayed me in a way I can’t bear to go into for the millionth time, and I realized that I had never seen the person he was.

Now I look at people and I see masks. I used to be able to read the mask and get an idea of what lies below. Now I see nothing because I realize how bad reading the mask wrong can go, and I’m terrified of being betrayed, or rejected, or abandoned one more time. I hate it. I don’t know if this is truly just autism, but I hate it. I just wish I were a regular person. I wish I could make real connections and they would be able to survive a little turbulence. Instead, I feel alone.

5
ukiyoomi January 6th
.

@LostAzure411


Hello, I'm really sorry to hear that you've been through these situations and it's understandable that it has left you being betrayed by your close friends. It's completely normal to feel the way you do, and your emotions are completely valid. Do not feel like you were "born wrong". Building connections can be challenging, but it's a journey, and there are many who appreciate and accept others for who they are. You deserve meaningful connections, and taking things at your own pace is absolutely okay. There are many listeners that you can talk and many friends that you can make too on 7cups so you are in the right place.
juliet22 January 13th
.

Hi this is a bit scary because im reading what you wrote and its exactly how i feel. Youre not alone i know its horrible but i feel the exact same way and i feel for u ❤️❤️❤️

shiningOcean95 February 9th
.

So sorry you are feeling so alone. Getting a diagnosis can understandably be a bit destabilizing at first. It can also be the beginning of a more fulfilling life once these initial feelings are addressed and dealt with. Even neurotypical relationships are fraught with many of the problems you’ve encountered, but understandably you would like to make friends with likeminded people.

Some people find that in-person or even online Meetup groups help them meet people with whom they have more in common. In larger cities one can sometimes find neurodivergent support groups in the community.

The more you learn about yourself and how this diagnosis plays a part in your life, the easier it will be to see that you are not alone and that even so-called neurotypicals have qualities and mental health challenges that sometimes makes their behavior difficult to understand.

in time I hope you come to view this diagnosis as a quality that makes you unique and special. I hope you find friends with whom you can connect, share, be yourself, and appreciate each other’s special gifts.

teenytinyturtle February 11th
.

Hey there,

Late diagnosis are hard, and you sure are valid!

I think a few months in, and you are probably still getting used to your diagnosis - its taken me about a year to get used to mine.

Some days we hate it - years of misunderstanding from others, and from ourselves.

It is confusing being a neurodivergent in a neurotypical world. Have you found others on 7cups you can relate to?

Jeremy12345 February 11th
.

Hi @LostAzure411

I know it doesn't always help when people say they can relate to your situation, but I just want you to know you are not alone in feeling the way you feel based on what you described in your post. I've been through some very relatable things with just feeling like people are wearing masks while you are just trying to be yourself with everyone. Just know not everyone out there I wearing that proverbial mask, even though it seems that way sometimes. Some of us are really just out here in society being ourselves. Even if that comes off as offensive to some people, just because not everyone is exactly the the same doesn't mean that people have to get offended when not everyone is exactly like them. Keep trying your best, even if it just feels like you are "surviving", because sometimes that's all you can do when you are nuerodivergent like yourself.

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