Asperger's
I'm imagining myself getting told that I have Asperger's by doctor I tested high on an online quiz that was recommended from doctors for me to take it because the way I was was a little kid apparently with symptoms for Asperger's I was scheduled test that will tell me if I have asked burgers or not at phoenix hospital I don't know what I want to do when I imagine myself getting told I've Asperger's I imagine myself breaking down crying and saying no you're lying this is obviously a fake test I imagine myself sitting in my room laying down doing anything but going out into this world when they tell me that I have Asperger's I took in the recommended test six times now the online one just to make sure that I don't have it I said no let me take it again no let me take it again I took it six times that night 16 this week I don't know who I am I'm thinking to myself I'm the way I am because of Asperger's I don't have a personality my mind is controlled by Asperger's I used to feel bad for people that had autism cuz I never knew what it was like I just thought that made you think like a little kid and your brain just didn't develop right that's what I used to think I used to feel bad for those people but if I actually have it I think I might have a mental breakdown I think I might actually have a mental breakdown and I'm not even joking I cry every time I think about even having Asperger's I don't know what to say because I felt bad for people that have autism but I'm sorry I don't want to be on your spectrum I was smart I went through school so easily I got good grades I read so fast in my mind and it was so easy for me but the fact that I could be even on the spectrum makes me cry a little and I'm sorry if that offends you but I just can't do it you have to understand I'm 15 years old I'm barely getting through life I have too much to deal with I can't deal with this too I'm not joking I might have a mental breakdown and I don't know what to do
@friendlyShade2009
Hey, it sounds like you're really scared that you'll potentially be diagnosed with Asperger's. Some things you mentioned that stood out to me:
- You feel like it would negate who you are ("I don't have a personality my mind is controlled by Asperger's")
- It would be like being told that your brain is broken and that you're not going to develop the way that you're supposed to ("I just thought that made you think like a little kid and your brain just didn't develop right")
***
A few thoughts:
1) You're still yourself either way. You know what you're good at and what things you like. Having a diagnosis wouldn't change who you are.
2) There is a lot of variation when it comes to experiences on the autism spectrum. Some people are severely disabled and need a lot of help/support. Other people are able to pretty much function and there just might be certain situations where they struggle or process things different than other people.
https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-are-the-three-levels-of-autism-260233
3) People on the autism spectrum sometimes have unique strengths that can be helpful. Like anybody, people on the autism spectrum have a particular set of strengths and weaknesses, and it's just a matter of making the most of what you're good at and working around what you're less comfortable with.
Source: https://aane.org/autism-info-faqs/autism-basics/what-is-autism/
