Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
friendlyShade2009
1 940 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 20 Compassion hearts73 Forum posts20 Forum upvotes35 Current upvotes35 Age GroupTeen Last activeDecember, 2024 Member sinceMarch 11, 2024
Bio

I've dealt with depression I've dealt with abuse dealt with self harm and suicide and I feel like no one cares

Recent forum posts
friendlyShade2009 profile picture
Sexual assault
Trauma Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 9 hours ago
...See more I live in Coolidge Arizona growing up my dad abused me and October 19th I was sexually assaulted by my father he wanted my phone out of my bra I was wearing a black jacket and no shirt under just a black sports bra I am a 15 year old with D cups. It was my dad's day and I had just gotten back from a sleepvover and it was 12 am and I was tired so I was at my mom's house. The court says I'm allowed to have my phone at my dad's house and that he can not take it from me he can also not do corporal punishment on me. It was 12:00 a.m. and my father had came to the door of my mom's house and told me to come outside and leave my phone at my mom's house I told him no I put the phone in my bra and we went to his house we got into the house I walked into the kitchen and then I walked into the living room and he unzipped my jacket and reached into my bra and try to grab my phone he was scratching me and was assaulting me I got pushed to the floor and hit my head and my back on the tile really hard I was crying and became a little ball crying he left for a while to play cards I limping to the bathroom locked the door and texted my friend the address 10 minutes later the cops came my father was not arrested at all they opened an investigation and CPS came it's December now I was supposed to talk to a detective and never got a call they basically gave up on me Coolidge cops gave up on me CPS never looked in his house he has all types of drugs in his house out in the open he drinks alcohol a lot and it's filled in his fridge CPS gave up on me the cops never arrested him for sexual assault towards a minor. My father lives 2 streets down from me . The nightmare every night. Every one gave up. I even did a rape kit to help the case but it's going nowhere I feel alone I LEFT SOME PARTS OUT BECAUSE I DONT WANT PEOPLE KNOWING WHAT HE SAID TO ME DURING IT!!!
friendlyShade2009 profile picture
Sexual assault
Trauma Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 11 hours ago
...See more I need to know if I'm a bad person? I was recently sexually assaulted by my father and I had a panic attack at a dance concert my friend brought her guy friend that she had a crush on who I didn't invite and she didn't tell me about it she's demanded it and it had been a month after my father sexually assaulted me and my friend knew about it and my dad hasn't gone to jail yet there's a trial and open investigation but I started having a panic attack around this guy that she liked I just don't feel comfortable around men anymore and my sister's boyfriend comes over to the house and I don't answer the door for him because I don't feel comfortable with men in my home who I don't really know other than my brothers am I a bad person if I tell my sister I don't want her boyfriend in the house
friendlyShade2009 profile picture
I'm tired
Depression Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 October 11th
...See more The beginning of this year almost died from a seizure medical mistake and I was okay with the divorce last year from my parents and it keeps spreading this year I was tired of going back and forth and dealing with my abusive father and I've survived almost committing suicide over and over and over again I am so tired because if I go to a mental ward then the government owns me if I call CPS they'll never leave I don't know what to do I just want them to take away my father's rights to me so I can be free I'm tired I'm tired of feeling this way I'm tired of not remembering what happiness is I'm so tired and I can't remember the last time I was happy
friendlyShade2009 profile picture
no one see my pain
Trauma Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 August 16th
...See more I have an appointment today and my mom was supposed to take me but we didn't have gas she had $2 in her account and she couldn't take me to my doctor's appointment I asked my father to take me to my appointment because my parents are divorced and we live separately asked my dad please can take me to my appointment he said no as soon as your mom and get on the phone and call me and ask me my mom told him that she will not be doing that and he hung up on me and called them again said hey are you picking me up to go to my appointment he told me no that he will not be doing that until my mom can pick up the phone and call him he hung up on me I slammed my phone on the floor when he hung up and started to cry I was in so much pain because my stomach was hurting and my head was hurting and I've had this for a while and I had a doctor's appointment that I needed to go to and no one was there for me I can't even go to a doctor's appointment without having them fight for 5 seconds I can't go to the doctor's appointment because my parents can't get it together I can't go to a doctor's appointment because my dad is a narcissist I can't go and it's physically hurting you now not only did they hurt me mentally but now it is physically hurting me and I have no one to take me so now I'm sitting in my room and writing the same crying
friendlyShade2009 profile picture
Asperger's
Autism Support / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 August 24th
...See more I'm imagining myself getting told that I have Asperger's by doctor I tested high on an online quiz that was recommended from doctors for me to take it because the way I was was a little kid apparently with symptoms for Asperger's I was scheduled test that will tell me if I have asked burgers or not at phoenix hospital I don't know what I want to do when I imagine myself getting told I've Asperger's I imagine myself breaking down crying and saying no you're lying this is obviously a fake test I imagine myself sitting in my room laying down doing anything but going out into this world when they tell me that I have Asperger's I took in the recommended test six times now the online one just to make sure that I don't have it I said no let me take it again no let me take it again I took it six times that night 16 this week I don't know who I am I'm thinking to myself I'm the way I am because of Asperger's I don't have a personality my mind is controlled by Asperger's I used to feel bad for people that had autism cuz I never knew what it was like I just thought that made you think like a little kid and your brain just didn't develop right that's what I used to think I used to feel bad for those people but if I actually have it I think I might have a mental breakdown I think I might actually have a mental breakdown and I'm not even joking I cry every time I think about even having Asperger's I don't know what to say because I felt bad for people that have autism but I'm sorry I don't want to be on your spectrum I was smart I went through school so easily I got good grades I read so fast in my mind and it was so easy for me but the fact that I could be even on the spectrum makes me cry a little and I'm sorry if that offends you but I just can't do it you have to understand I'm 15 years old I'm barely getting through life I have too much to deal with I can't deal with this too I'm not joking I might have a mental breakdown and I don't know what to do
friendlyShade2009 profile picture
Move on
Grief & Loss / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 July 27th
...See more We lose that one person in our lives that just changes our entire lives that rearranges our entire lives we get to grieve for 5 seconds their lives or sometimes they're not even allowed to show it or sometimes we don't want to show it because I feel like that unmasked us and it shows our emotions and it shows different side of us and I don't think that we should we get 5 seconds to grieve and then everybody's like oh my God I can't believe this person is still talking about this person's death and it's not fair we get 5 seconds to grieve and then we have to move on that's all people expect from us like well that person died move on with your life and it's not fair it's not fair at all how are we supposed to grieve when people are telling us to move on.
friendlyShade2009 profile picture
Hear me
Grief & Loss / by friendlyShade2009
Last post
 July 31st
...See more I had some die recently near my birthday and did not know that they were hurting with pain.
Search more from @friendlyShade2009
Community updates
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
14 total badges
Hand Shake Linked First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor First Compassion Helpful heart Bundled Teammate Group Friend Forum Friend Hang 10
Report an issue