Walking with Questions Unanswered
Hello. For the record, with this thread post if I accidentally offend anyone, please let me know, and I'll try to avoid making the same mistake again. This is just a vent for me, as my life feels like a trapped circle of chains that I can't break myself out of. I feel desperate and stressed out, upset, and confused. I feel a lot of exhaustion as well as these thoughts are constantly in my head and I need help figuring them out. Please if anyone would like to give assistance, that'd be greatly appreciated.
So, I am NOT diagnosed with autism, but I feel I may be autistic. I will get diagnosed eventually on May 8th, but at the time of this post, it isn't May 8th yet. I've been wondering what's been up with me for years, but these couple of months have been real tough on me as the diagnostic is close, but STILL not there. If people would want to help me learn more about what autism is like, so I can not only educate myself, but also help figure myself out, I would appreciate it. I also wrote like 10 pages of symptoms on my small journal (Yeah, I really did go into it.) I'll showcase them here, and if anyone wants to put their opinions on it, and say whether or not I'm autistic, that'll be good too. I know this isn't a tool to diagnosis, but I'd feel it'd be important to reach out to autistic people or people are knowledgeable about it, so I can learn more about my symptoms. I also diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD, so I'm not sure if those may intervene with one another instead. However, for my PTSD, I haven't been diagnosed with that BEFORE I started to wonder if I was autistic. The PTSD is a recent diagnosis. I've also been considered to have ADHD, such as from my psychiatrist. My ex-online friend thought I could be autistic while another ex-online friend thought I could have ADHD, and they WERE actually diagnosed with ADHD. Overall, there's a lot of complications when it comes to figuring who I am and what I'm dealing with. If people could help me figure it out in here, I'd enjoy reading the information and asking questions or concerns if I have any.
Thank you!
Here's the list of my symptoms by the way (that I've noticed and believe they may point to me being autistic) so you can see them yourself:
I find social situations confusing and overwhelming.
It's hard for me to make and keep friendships.
I think I hyperfixate on a specific fictional character (Miles "Tails" Prower from Sonic the Hedgehog) compared to other characters in a (the) particular franchise. This character also increased my love for a specific animal (foxes) for merely existing.
I find comfort in routines and I do get upset and panicky when something happens and my routine changes, like having to go into a different building instead of a classroom on schedule, for example, at school.
I'm terrified to get in trouble at school and I will try to follow the rules, feeling really guilty and angry at myself if I don't follow expectations or mess up.
I believe I stim. I've nail-bit my fingers for a long time, and I still do to this day, but it's not as common. I also rock back and forth, bounce my leg, and "flap" my hands. I also fidget with my orange stress ball and finding increasing comfort and sentiment towards it. These behaviors happen all the time; not just when I'm anxious or stressed.
I find it really hard to calm myself and my anxious thoughts.
I find it difficult to regulate my emotions and cope with them in a healthy way.
I believe I'm more emotional and sensitive than others.
I'm very sensitive to loud noises, and I have specific triggers that make me mad.
I dislike certain textures and clothing; most types of pants, wet hair, etc.
I was much shyer and awkward when I was younger.
I also struggled with eye contact more so in the past, feeling constantly to look at others.
I'm easily startled and jumpy.
I believe I get meltdowns, but I suppress them at school.
I believe I struggle with focus and impulsivity.
Look at them carefully and take your time to write your thoughts. Also, if you want more details on any of these symptoms, let me know too!
I hope I can learn more about the autism spectrum and educate myself on this topic.
@Megalomentaurus Hey there, thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. It sounds like you're going through a lot right now, and it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Venting can be a helpful way to release some of that tension, so don't hesitate to express yourself. We're here to support you every step of the way.
@Mya000
Thank you. This post is a little outdated, however, I am still confused with myself at this moment. For my personal challenges, I will get diagnosed eventually, after completing the neurological tests. However, it will still be a long wait. I am dealing with such problems with my emotions and feelings, and overall, the questions I have with myself don't help me cope. I would like someone to listen to me and provide what they think of my questions and such. I looked at your profile and I understand that you listen to adults, however, not teenagers, but that's okay. You do not have to help me specifically. It's just no one with a good knowledge of autism (whether diagnosed or not; yet they still know quite about it) as helped me figure out my problems and reacted to this post. It makes me feel a lack of support.
@Megalomentaurus Indeed I am an adult listener and unfortunately, I'm not able to provide one-on-one support to teenagers. However, we can continue to exchange messages through this forum if you wish, until you find a listener who can support you more directly.
It sounds like you're going through a really challenging time, especially with the uncertainty around your diagnosis and the wait for tests. It's completely understandable to feel confused and overwhelmed. I'm here to listen and provide support as best as I can in this space.
