Friend feeling like I crossed the line
Hi:
I live on the autism spectrum and I was told today that the way I handled a situation poorly. First of all, I have been carrying a grudge against a fake friend who I went to school with because she has never really treated me very well. However, I had been in contact with another close friend of hers as we were getting along so well. Though I had been thinking about reconnecting with the fake friend, I did some thinking and felt that she wasn't very nice to me. Additionally, I had not spoken with this person for over 12 years since she jerked me around on social media and then blocked me.
In the meantime, I had been talking to her friend who has been getting false information from this person about why she doesn't talk to me. When this close friend and I first talked, the other person wanted to work on forgiving me. Well, after some time, I had a chance to re-evaluate the relationship and felt like this person was a jerk to me as well as extremely manipulative.
So I wrote her a letter using "I feel," statements in mentioning why and what not. Well, her close friend came back and attacked me for sending a nasty letter. She also said that she didn't want to talk to me anymore because I said mean things. However, this person didn't contact me herself.
When I went to talk about it with a friend, she told me that she said it was not a good idea to send a letter. This was because this former fake friend and I had not been in contact recently. She said that it would have been better for me to tell her close friend without overly explaining myself. Moreover, she said that it seemed like I wrote that letter out of a lot of unchecked anger. Honestly, I think that she is probably right because I have been mad at her for a while.
However, I am not going to beat myself up for calling out a bad friend for the way that she hurt me in the past.
@Summershy I'm glad to hear someone talking about their ecperience. Sometimes, when you spoeak aloud, it can freely release your stress , so your mood will get better. I want you know that there have lot of positive people and someone who loves will always be there.
I have been doing lots of communication on the sharing circle and the exploration group. They felt like this friend gave me some bad advice. Instead, they said that I had a right to set boundaries with this person.
I have also talked with another friend about their BFF dumping me. We both felt that while she wanted to protect her, it still was not right for her to get in the middle like that. Meanwhile, I just decided that this person wasn’t really invested in me as a friend while her BFF was more important.
@Ruofeia
When I wrote the letter to this toxic former frenemy, I didn't feel comfortable talking about her behind her back. I certainly didn't want to speak badly about this person to her close BFF. Instead, I told the BFF that I didn't think that we were compatible for so many reasons. So I decided to let this person know what I had been feeling and why I wasn't comfortable with us reconnecting.
For instance, I can't trust this person at all because she's been nice to my face, I have been stabbed in the back multiple times. I don't feel like being a doormat anymore. I also can't talk to someone who is not going to be upfront with me.
@Ruofeia
I wrote better because I didn't feel like talking about her behind my back. Instead, I felt that it was better for me to be upfront. While I didn't call her names and accuse her of anything. As I said, I told her how I felt about the entire situation and why I didn't think we were a good pair. For instance, I said that I felt like she had not been a good friend to me in the past, and nor did she seem to respect me as a person.
However, according to her BFF, she's accusing me of writing her a nasty letter, which is not true.
Now regarding my other friend, who told me that the letter was a bad idea, I told her the same thing and what some of the other people said in the chats. However, she keeps telling me that what this ex-frenemy and her BFF now think about me is none of my business in terms of what they think about me. However, I don't know if I agree with that at all.
