social anxiety making me depressed pls help :/

Hi 7 cups community,

Let me preface this by saying I've never gone to a psychiatrist/therapist or anything so I haven't technically been diagnosed as having social anxiety but I'm 90% sure I have it/have had it for a long time ~6ish years.

I recently graduated from college and got an in-person fulltime job where I interact with coworkers on a daily basis (it's an office job). The close contact made my depression better initially because I wasn't feeling as lonely, and everyone is really kind and helpful. Due to a series of overthinking and anxiety leaving me unable to speak I'm not close with anyone and I kind of think all my coworkers hate me because they don't really talk to me the way they talk with each other (which is mostly my fault cause I'm scared to initiate conversations/even say stupid things like good morning or talk about anything other than work while we're working which is ok I think but I feel like no one wants to be friends with me cause I project a lack of personality maybe?).

It's kind of terrible because the overthinking really stresses me out, ruins my productivity, and makes me feel worse about myself until the depression kicks in and I start to just feel sad and tired all the time. I'm also really awkward and my voice is quieter when I feel bad about myself or tired which doesn't help. I keep skipping on coworker lunches because I either can't handle the anxiety anymore or I don't feel like I belong since whenever I go I just sit quietly or make a fool of myself and I don't want to ruin the fun for everyone by being the gloomy person that doesn't talk. I also can't hold a conversation with the opposite sex because there's an extra layer of fear/uncertainty and my default is just 'if you don't say anything you can't say the wrong thing.' I don't mind just listening but I can never think of anything to ask in the moment cause my brain is in overdrive and not saying anything makes everyone uncomfortable too. All the overthinking also makes me lose sight of who I am as a person it's like everything I am just disappears and I can't remember what I'm normally like. And I feel like I can't really come in one day acting like a whole new person from the quiet normal everyone is used to either.

Also I don't want everyone thinking I hate them or think I'm better than them, but I feel like the way the anxiety impacts my actions makes it look like I do (ex: skipping lunches, not talking to them, etc.) I also don't want to tell anyone about it because I don't want them thinking I'm incapable/weird/pitying me or something idk

I've kind of been stuck in this cycle of depression/anxiety and back for a while but I want to get over this because it's made my life kind of miserable and it's about time I do something about it, I just don't really know what to do? I don't really have like anxiety attacks, it's just always there - my hands are shaky/ my stomach gets upset/ I keep marching my legs/ my mind keeps replaying moments of interaction with people. I've tried journaling but it just feels like a waste of time (which also gives me anxiety) and doesn't really help cause I can't do it when I'm actually anxious (at work) and cause it just makes me relive it which is what my brain does anyway. I've also tried calm breaths/ thinking chill thoughts but they also feel like a waste of time and don't really calm me down significantly. I also feel like neither of these things solves anything and even when I complete it everything I'm worried about is still a worry of mine.

The job is also kind of far from my house and I got rear ended on the way to work once which kinda traumatized me but I think I'm over it now. I kind of want to find a closer/remote job because I feel like I'm always tired and don't get much time at home, but I don't think I'd care about it so much if I didn't have the anxiety and I don't want to run away cause I'd just face the same issues at my new job/for the rest of my life.

I feel like this is expected but I've also never had a significant other even though I'm over 20 and I feel like I'll actually be alone forever unless I can get over this or at least find a way to make meaningful connections despite it.

TLDR: I got a job where I have to go into the office and talk to people 4 days a week but the social anxiety gives me depression and I don't know what to do/how to get over it TT

Questions: Can you relate/give me advice? Is this even something that can be helped or am I better off just cutting my losses and trying to find a remote job? Is getting an actual therapist the only way to work through this? Tips on balancing loneliness with social anxiety? I'll take anything to be honest - I've never been to a therapist or anything so I've probably not heard it before

I'm happy to give more information if needed, I just feel like I need guidance and no one around me is dealing with this stuff.