social anxiety making me depressed pls help :/
Hi 7 cups community,
Let me preface this by saying I've never gone to a psychiatrist/therapist or anything so I haven't technically been diagnosed as having social anxiety but I'm 90% sure I have it/have had it for a long time ~6ish years.
I recently graduated from college and got an in-person fulltime job where I interact with coworkers on a daily basis (it's an office job). The close contact made my depression better initially because I wasn't feeling as lonely, and everyone is really kind and helpful. Due to a series of overthinking and anxiety leaving me unable to speak I'm not close with anyone and I kind of think all my coworkers hate me because they don't really talk to me the way they talk with each other (which is mostly my fault cause I'm scared to initiate conversations/even say stupid things like good morning or talk about anything other than work while we're working which is ok I think but I feel like no one wants to be friends with me cause I project a lack of personality maybe?).
It's kind of terrible because the overthinking really stresses me out, ruins my productivity, and makes me feel worse about myself until the depression kicks in and I start to just feel sad and tired all the time. I'm also really awkward and my voice is quieter when I feel bad about myself or tired which doesn't help. I keep skipping on coworker lunches because I either can't handle the anxiety anymore or I don't feel like I belong since whenever I go I just sit quietly or make a fool of myself and I don't want to ruin the fun for everyone by being the gloomy person that doesn't talk. I also can't hold a conversation with the opposite sex because there's an extra layer of fear/uncertainty and my default is just 'if you don't say anything you can't say the wrong thing.' I don't mind just listening but I can never think of anything to ask in the moment cause my brain is in overdrive and not saying anything makes everyone uncomfortable too. All the overthinking also makes me lose sight of who I am as a person it's like everything I am just disappears and I can't remember what I'm normally like. And I feel like I can't really come in one day acting like a whole new person from the quiet normal everyone is used to either.
Also I don't want everyone thinking I hate them or think I'm better than them, but I feel like the way the anxiety impacts my actions makes it look like I do (ex: skipping lunches, not talking to them, etc.) I also don't want to tell anyone about it because I don't want them thinking I'm incapable/weird/pitying me or something idk
I've kind of been stuck in this cycle of depression/anxiety and back for a while but I want to get over this because it's made my life kind of miserable and it's about time I do something about it, I just don't really know what to do? I don't really have like anxiety attacks, it's just always there - my hands are shaky/ my stomach gets upset/ I keep marching my legs/ my mind keeps replaying moments of interaction with people. I've tried journaling but it just feels like a waste of time (which also gives me anxiety) and doesn't really help cause I can't do it when I'm actually anxious (at work) and cause it just makes me relive it which is what my brain does anyway. I've also tried calm breaths/ thinking chill thoughts but they also feel like a waste of time and don't really calm me down significantly. I also feel like neither of these things solves anything and even when I complete it everything I'm worried about is still a worry of mine.
The job is also kind of far from my house and I got rear ended on the way to work once which kinda traumatized me but I think I'm over it now. I kind of want to find a closer/remote job because I feel like I'm always tired and don't get much time at home, but I don't think I'd care about it so much if I didn't have the anxiety and I don't want to run away cause I'd just face the same issues at my new job/for the rest of my life.
I feel like this is expected but I've also never had a significant other even though I'm over 20 and I feel like I'll actually be alone forever unless I can get over this or at least find a way to make meaningful connections despite it.
TLDR: I got a job where I have to go into the office and talk to people 4 days a week but the social anxiety gives me depression and I don't know what to do/how to get over it TT
Questions: Can you relate/give me advice? Is this even something that can be helped or am I better off just cutting my losses and trying to find a remote job? Is getting an actual therapist the only way to work through this? Tips on balancing loneliness with social anxiety? I'll take anything to be honest - I've never been to a therapist or anything so I've probably not heard it before
I'm happy to give more information if needed, I just feel like I need guidance and no one around me is dealing with this stuff.
Hi @lavenderPond3109
It is good to hear that your job initially made you feel better. Yes, I can totally relate to every sentence of yours.
I'm also not diagnosed with social anxiety, but I had my doubts about it at various points in life.
And I've been in a job that felt somewhat draining like you. It was hard to keep up with others and all those fears. I have also felt that I don't belong anywhere and had my insecurities telling me if you're not there for a moment they would definitely make fun of you or gossip.
But all those fears are not guaranteed to be true. Maybe we are the ones who are building all those walls around us and not making contacts. Maybe, they would love to know more about us, but our anxiety is a barrier.
Our voices in our heads are really harmful to our mental health, as well as, growth. I would like you to not listen to those voices that say you're not good enough, don't talk otherwise you'll be perceived as a fool, skip lunches so that you can be safe, or like...
Give it a chance... Get to know your co-workers. Ask for help and help them whenever possible. They would surely like to befriend you. Trust me. There's a high chance that at least one of those co-workers becomes your close acquaintance. They may be waiting for you to get along with them. ❤️
I know it is easier said than done. So that is why I'm asking you to start small. Reflect on why you are thinking you're not good enough! What's the proof?
I genuinely would like to have a co-worker who wishes me morning' every day :) These small acts of kindness will not be mistaken as foolish acts.
And about interacting with the opposite gender. I would also say the same things as I said before. Give it some time. Take small steps. No one will judge you. Keep saying that.
It's okay to mess up. Who doesn't? Just smile and make fun of yourself during those situations. Everyone will smile at you and move on. No one will remember this guy/girl who did this funny thing that time or like for the rest of their life. Life is short, and we have lots of things to learn! Don't restrict yourself from fearing what other people might think of you.
I hope you get lots of good acquaintances and great work experience there ❤️
Hi @hopezzy, I don't know when you'll read this, but good morning :) Thank you for your response and the well wishes! I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one like this. I like what you said about finding proof I'm not enough because I don't think the average person is actually expecting that much from me or cares that much about the occasional mess up. I'll try to keep that in mind. You're probably right about me being the one making the walls too, I just feel weird about breaking them down now that they've been established. I hope you are doing well and find the coworkers of your dreams ❤️
Good morning @lavenderPond3109
I'm an introvert. But at first, I had no idea about the term and always felt outta place. There are times I was asked by people to change. I also felt that there was something wrong with me. But it's not the case.
We have our strengths and weakness and let's let the strengths shine brighter. It does feel different when we break all those walls at once. It feels scary.
Just try it one at a time. Small steps matter. They are still progressing 💜
I hope you get along with your co-workers and achieve your dreams as well ❤️
