a little rant

i know it’s normal how friends are “mean” to each other sometimes as jokes and stuff and i completely get it. but i am not a social person and anybody who sees me in a social situation can tell. i know i don’t talk much but i really try my hardest. i hate having to practice exactly what im going to say in my head a million times before i actually say it out loud. i hate having to constantly worry what other people will think if i say this or do this. so instead i’m more on the quiet side because it’s way more easier to just not talk to people. and i know i am a very awkward person but it’s just so hard to socialize. but recently it’s been extra aggravating because constantly my friends are always like “you never talk”, “she never speaks”, “my conversations are always one sided with you because you never say a lot”, “you’re such a introvert”, “you’re so anti-social”, “you’re so boring”, “you’re so awkward” all my friends say those things to me all the time and it’s just been getting on my nerves. like i’m so annoyed with them and i would bring it up but i don’t know how. like i know it’s not their fault that i’m the way i am but they don’t have to say those things to me or say it so pointedly. i just find it so inconsiderate of them to say those things when they don’t know at all what im feeling or why i “never talk”.