@phuntphunt
It's normal to feel anxious when reaching out to people you've never met or don't know well. My school years were half a life ago (48 y/o now), and still to this day when meeting a new group of people (not so much with individuals), I get sweaty palms and gut-wrenching feelings.
Now, I do have a few tricks and coping strategies that I developed over the years. A couple of disclaimers though:
- Even when I apply them “by the book” sometimes it still doesn’t work : ( and I cannot tell why. One of “those days”, I guess
- Everybody is different. If you choose to try some of these tips – don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work for you. Try to tweak it, and maybe get inspired to invent something entirely your own – that will suit your situation and needs the best. Also, check other people’s suggestions, they may have more in common with you than you and I have. Sometimes the generational gap can make something work for somebody with certain mileage, but not so much for others with significantly different mileage. So, take this with a grain of salt
Here are the tips that (most of the time) help me to some degree:
- Preparing in advance. I try to think about what I want to say to new people and how I want to say it. Being prepared helps me feel more in control and usually that means less anxiety.
- Taking it slow. Starting with small talk or something neutral before diving into more serious topics helps me relax a bit. Feel free to stay on small topics for a while until you are more comfortable with new people.
- Being yourself. Authenticity usually helps me build trust and makes it easier for me to connect with others. If you are you – even if you are nervous and uncomfortable – people tend to feel safe. And if you are nervous around the new group – think about what @innateJoy9602 said: more likely than not at least some of the other people in your new group are at the same spot – they have similar worries about meeting someone new just like you.
- Listening more than speaking. Sometimes anxiety makes me babble, and other times it ties my tongue. So, this one could be easy or hard for you depending on how you react to anxiety. I am trying to ask questions and then actively listen to the other person's responses if possible. This helps me understand them better and then I can find common ground easier.
- Seeking more help from different sources. As I already said – check out other answers here. If you have a close friend who can be soothing and offers wise advice – get in touch. If your anxiety is preventing you from being able to connect with others for a long, long time to the point that it becomes a serious everyday issue, consider seeking help from a trained professional/counselor. In such serious situations, they can help you develop some coping strategies and work through any underlying issues that may be unique for you. If needed (and I hope it won't be), It is not something to be ashamed of. I owe a great debt to my former therapist and support group that I was part of for years - they have pulled me out of some serious fires.
In the end, try to remind yourself regularly – connecting with new people takes time and practice, and it's okay if it doesn't come naturally at first. Be kind and patient with yourself as you work through your anxiety.
Hope it helps.
L2I
