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Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone… Now What?!
underthetides September 20th, 2021
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I was in a 5-month LDR with my first boyfriend, and I have been upset about it ever since January when he broke up with me. I’m a lot better now, so I finally decided to download a few dating apps.


Past me would’ve never done this, and even if she did, she would be too scared to even swipe-right on someone, let alone message them! But I have… for multiple guys! I’m proud of myself for doing so, even if it’s just baby steps.


Anyway, at the moment I’m talking to 2 guys. One of them asked me out yesterday, and I lied and said I was busy. But it was me who asked him if Friday would work better. I kind of hoped he would say no, but he said yes.


This is all so new to me! I’ve only ever met my ex once IRL, and now I’m at this stage?


The main thing I’m anxious about is him not being who he says he is and then something bad happens to me. I’m also nervous just about being nervous when I meet with him. I’m scared that I’ll just be super awkward!


I try telling myself it isn’t the end of the world, and if he really is a bad person… at least I overcame my anxiety.


So, I’m still not 100% sure I will go through with it, but I can give updates if someone wants.


Sorry this is long, but as for the 2nd guy, he’s really flirty. Like REALLY. he keeps calling me cute and compliments me, and it almost makes me tear up because I haven’t been treated this way in so long. I almost forgot how beautiful I really am to others.


Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening! If you’d like to give me any feedback or kind words, thatd be awesome!


TLDR; went on dating app, got asked out, am scared to go, being complimented for the first time in a while has got me all messed up

1
Meandros October 7th, 2021
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@underthetides

Hello there! So you did many new thing, congrats on that.

You dont need to go alone to your date, its ok if some friend goes there with you and when you have checked that the person is ok the friend leaves or go for a walk not so far of you. That way you can go to the date and feel save at the same time. There are probably other options to feel safe while stepping out of your confort zone.

Stepping out of confort zone is not about ignoring fears, but more about finding safe ways to do what you want to. After you have walked enougth there and had enougth experiences, that will be part of your new confort zone that is bigger than before. Rinse and repeat. Find new things you would like to be able to do, find safe ways to do them so you feel secure. Then those new activities will be part of your ever expanding confort zone.

Good luck with the dates by the way.

Personal note: People who love bomb others and are sooo atentive in the first stages, and already know that you are their person, and that they cant life without you... are not so trusty, even if they make you feel great.

Hugs. =)

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