Social Anxiety from Severe Ostracism
Hello, I just joined 7cups last week. So far it has been an amazing release to get my feelings off my chest, and it has made me brave enough to post something on this public forum.
I have Social Anxiety Disorder and Atypical Depression. My social anxiety started because of bullying in elementary school which took the form of social ostracism. This shunning continued throughout middle and high school, encompassing a decade of my childhood.
Any time I tried to join a social group, I was treated with disgust. I was unable to make close friends as a child, and now I struggle to form and maintain lasting friendships as an adult.
It was this prolonged trauma that formed the anxiety disorder like a tumor in my head.Some of the specific effects of ostracism bullying is that the effects are invisible and long-lasting. Authorities don't see the bullying because it takes the form of a LACK of interaction. And the effects of being ostracized even once can last all week, so I'm scared to even imagine how long the effects of 10 years of my childhood are going to hang around.
If anyone else has social anxiety brought on by severe ostracism trauma, I would really love to hear about it. Right now I feel like the only one dealing with this type of anxiety but I know that can't be true.
Hi, I just wanted to say "hello!"
I hope you can find the support you need here - in fact I'm sure you can.
Nice meeting you, and take care 
My elementary school years were hell. I was the weird kid, the fat kid, the poor kid. No one wanted to be friends with me, I was teased and bullied all the time. I didn't really make any friends until Middle school, and even then it was a very select few, maybe one or two. This continued until High School, and even then I still felt like the odd one of the group. I was different, I wasn't like them, I was alien. MYy best friend who I felt extremely close to and attached to moved away in the early high school, or right before high school started for me. It was incredibly painful. Now the closest friendships I have are with people online, and I keep myself isolated at home. I don't really know how to make friends and I'm so anxious and paranoid that people don't like me.
@LadyMizra That sounds awful, and painfully familiar. I posted this because I feel like this kind of social anxiety might be a little different from the others? Ostracism is such a specific type of trauma, it must have specific effects.
@micharoo47 You are definitely not alone. I've been iced out pretty much all through grade school and I'm in college now and it all feels like a distant memory because so much has happened since. Childhood experiences influence us but don't define us. For me moving for college helped because it was a fresh start and a much more diverse environment. All that stuff from before feels just about as relevant as all the other traumatic childhood stuff: your parents changing your diapers, wetting the bed ect. It doesn't define who you are now. Also, adults treat people very differently than kids do. Kids' brains aren't fully developed. They aren't thinking straight when they decide how to treat people. Some adults still have some growing up to do but most are at least civilized. Also, you get to choose your friends based on common interests, beliefs ect. You don't have to fit in with everyone or even most people. I know a lot of diverse kinds of people and they all pretty much live in their own little bubbles with people who think the same way. Adult social rules are very different from kid social rules. People are usually somewhat nice to everyone but take longer to find their best friends or arch nemesis. It's like comparing apples to oranges. Childhood fears can't repeat themselves because you'll never be a kid again. You're past that now.
@igetcha
Wow, thank you so much. Sorry I haven't replied for so long; I didn't log on for a while. Today I logged on because my social anxiety seemed to be spiking for the first time in a while. That is a really helpful thing to remember- what happened was awful, but the circumstances are different now.
I definitely struggle with the idea that the people around me will act immature, childish, hurtful, and judgemental. In fact, it's where most of my fears stem from. Unfortunately, many adults I have encountered (including both of my parents) have only confirmed these fears to be true.
I have been trying to focus on the positive and cultivate my trust towards others. I understand logically that the majority of people are not going to be jerks to me... and yet, even as I type that, there is a very convincing voice in my head saying that's not true. It says that most people have issues from being mistreated at some point in their life- whether by their parents, an ex-lover, or just by life in general- and therefore, they will be unstable and dangerous for me to be around.
@micharoo47 I can relate. Both my parents are immature in their own ways & many people I've run into throughout my life are immature too. I'm a child at heart & love to have fun & that ends me up around more immature people too. What helped me was setting boundaries. I don't mind hanging out w/ immature people if they're not being jerks. I cut someone out when they're a jerk to me or anyone else. I have some friends who are going through a lot & 1 especially tends to lash out on me. I tell her I'm only tryna help & there's not much I can do for her if she says things like *insert bashery here* instead of telling me what's really going on. That said you're not responsible for anyone else & you don't need to put up w/ people who don't treat you right. Everyone's flawed. Ik I'm super flawed & immature in some ways too. But the distinction is that some people take it out on others & some don't. Most people aren't awful or especially kind. They mostly mind their own business & if they're smart they act civilized unless they wanna turn people off. There are some extra kind people out there and you have more time to run into them when you distance yourself from the toxic people. There's definitely a plus side to when people are outright jerks from the start. Then you know right away not to let them into your life. They'll attract other people like them & they can tear each other apart until they get sick of it & decide to be better people. Meanwhile you know who you are which gives you a head start building your life while they're stuck building some pretense they'll abandon later.
can someone help me my grandma is in the hospital cause she fell and she has a big hematoma on her head
Hi Shay! I'm sorry to hear about your grandma, and I hope she gets better soon.
This thread is for people with Social Anxiety due to being severely socially ostracized. The topic of discussion is how ostracism creates specific types of unique effects. Are you or your grandmother dealing with something like that?
If not, you might be more successful in finding help on one of the other forums. Best of luck to you and your grandma <3
@shay123123d