Social Anxiety
I have had social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I have coped by avoiding situations, making excuses to myself and others, and substance abuse. I have always had trouble maintianing multiple relationships, so I have always clung to a few relationships very tightly. I rarely go to a social event with out one of my 'safe' people (right now that's my husband). I enjoy my alone time, but I also love to socialize, tell stories, and laugh with people. I am usually outgoing at a party becuase I want to be, but I have to drink or use drugs to be able to open up. I am finally confronting my anxiety, and trying to recognize harmful thoughts and reducing their effect on me. However, I am in the beginning of this process and my anxiety is still VERY VERY high. I have been invited to a babyshower this saturday by someone I don't know well, but I like, and I really want to go. The harmful thoughts are getting more and more intense as the day approaches. Some of my thoughts are: what if I do/say something embarrassing? What if I get ill? What if I offend someone? What if I get nervous (or 'twitchy' as I call it), what if no one likes me? Am I going for the right reasons? And, if something 'bad' happens how will that effect me in the future? I always have an encouraging thought after these worries, but honestly, they don't really help. It feels like running in a very old, very deep rut in my mind. Practicing mindfullness helps, becuause it helps me to focus on the present, but I am still looking for more relief with out having to drink. It helps me to hear other people's thoughts and experiences on this subject. So I would appreciate any shares!
@nania7707nx Wow it's crazy how much i can relate to this. I totally understand how social situations can be very nerve wracking. It can be really hard to go out of the house and do things by yourself when you have all of those thoughts going through your head. Even though i'm just a teen i feel like i can empathize. I am usually pretty scared to do things by myself. I find it hard to talk to people, or ask questions, or ask for things. Avoiding situations is a way i cope, and i will try everything i can in order to avoid the situation if possible. If i can't avoid it i usually have a lot of suicidal thoughts. Eventually i just realize that it is for my own good and that getting out of my comfort zone wouldn't be the most horrible thing. There are lots of quotes out there like "You miss 100% of the shots you didn't take" and like "The worst feeling is regretting not having done something when you had the chance." Sometimes i think it is better trying to focus on a positive outcome. For example, how would you feel after going to the baby shower? would you let yourself be proud of yourself for going? and even if you only go for a couple hours, would you still let yourself be happy about that? It's not always about doing something huge, but taking little steps to overcoming your anxiety. If you are afraid of doing something wrong, maybe just try to push those thoughts to the back of your head and focus on other people instead. I find i am very self conscious of my body when i go out in public. I am less self conscious though if i don't look in the mirror for too long, and if i don't pick out my flaws before i decide to go somewhere. So i guess what i'm saying is don't look in the mirror. Be yourself, and if you start feeling anxious about something then focus on something else, such as someone elses hair or something. Try to push all those fears away and take a deep breathe. In the end, will the few seconds of embarrassment be worth it? Hopefully the answer will be yes. To be honest people don't care as much as we think that they do. Everybody is in their own little world focusing on themselves. Try to keep that in mind 
I wish you luck.
@TheStormWiIIPass
Thank you storm! So much of what you say is true. Being a teen can be awkward, I remember, but you seem to have a very good handle on things. Your response is very mature. You're right, I think distractions are very helpful for anxiety. My game plan is to take it slow, and when my nerves begin to get to me, I'll try to change the scene. Such as helping with dishes/food etc., invite another friend to join the conversation if I get awkward, or I sometimes go into the bathroom just to breath every once in awhile, which I always scolded myself for, but now I allow myself to do it because I tell myself I deserve to feel calm. I am hopeful, and actually my anxiety about it is much better today since I started talking about it on here. 
@nania7707nx
First of all, thank you so much for sharing your experience and struggles. It takes courage to open up about very real and personal issues. I see that you're also being very brave by being aware of and taking steps to change your behavior and coping that may be harmful. It takes many, many tries and steps to change a pattern that we've used for awhile. But as with any new change, we will grow accustomed to it and it will become easier and easier to do once we practice it enough times. Keep at it and recognize those steps (yes, even those small steps) you are taking towards reducing your anxiety and improving your relationships.
The questions you brought up in your post are all good ones. It's great to be aware of your intentions of the actions you're taking. It's also good to be aware of the emotions you're experiencing in response to those actions (or potential actions). For example, maybe a fear you have is that you will embarass yourself at the shower. Maybe something bad will happen that you later cannot recover from. I don't know if you've had this experience, but for me, sometimes my mind goes to worst case scenarios. As a result, there is a lot weighing on this event/choice/thought that I have going on. 100% of the time that scenario I come up with is unrealistic. It is blown out of proportion and it hasn't been checked by reality. Or maybe I put down the healthy coping strategies and/or supports I actually have and believe that I will "fall apart" once that "worst case scenario" happens. Two things come to mind that help me:
1. I ask myself: "What's the worst that can happen?" Then, I test it out and see if it is realistic. I weigh it out and see if that situation I have formed in my head could actually happen.
2. I am kind to myself. This is hard with anxiety, or with any struggle for that matter. As taught in mindfulness, I react to myself as a friend would. If I feel anxious/low/ungrounded, I look back and be gentle with myself. I am not critical. I am not judgmental. I am curious on how I can support myself next time (or in the moment, if you realize that it's happening right then and there). I look at the positives on how I challenged myself and see the difficult circumstances that I tried to undergo. Because really, the last thing I need is another enemy. When I am anxious or not feeling well, what I need instead is a friend.
I hope this helps a bit! Take care.
Priscilla
I can relate. I have had social anxiety since I was about 9-10 years old. I am 26 now. The worst for me is having a ton of thought distortions before I have to be in a social situation. It could literally be I'm just showing up for an orientation, like I did today, and I'm so scared that I'll do or say the wrong thing in the situation.
Right now, I am really struggling to find a job. I don't have a lot of confidence in my skills, but I want a basic cashier job because it seems like the easiest kind of work for me right now. The thing is, I'm literally terrified of going in and turning in my job application in-person. This one store I've been trying to work up the nerve to go into only accepts applications in person. I don't know why I'm so scared of having a person-to-person interaction that would probably last only 10 seconds. Please, if anyone has any advice, tell me.
I hope that you are feeling better.
I understand how difficult it is for you.
I can relate to this
