Social Anxiety - My Current Experience
I'd like to start this off by saying that I have never been diagnosed for any mental illnesses or disorders, which includes social anxiety. However I do have several issues that are similar to social anxiety symptoms so I thought this would be the best category to put it under (this is NOT a self-diagnosis, I am not claiming to have social anxiety, I'm sorry if the title is misleading).
I have a friend- let's call her Madeleine. I met her a year ago, when we first came to the school we go to now. Madeleine's got a very small number of friends, only three including me. The other two friends- I'll call them Rai (pronounced "ray") and Letta- knew Madeleine before all of us transferred to this new school. I recently met Rai and Letta (through a group chat, due to the pandemic), and we video called each other for the first time yesterday. Rai and Letta are in my class this year, but because of the pandemic, we didn't really know each other.
I got extraordinarily anxious about the call and for the entirety of it was panicked/nervous. I'm not good with new people whatsoever, and it can takes months for me to warm up to them. I constantly think that I'll mess up something and that they'll judge me, or even hate me. So during the video call with Madeleine, Rai, and Letta, I stayed silent for the most part because a) I was nervous to the point where I couldn't speak without great, great efforts and b) I didn't want to interject their conversation because I felt like an intruder.
The three of them knew each other long before I did, and it felt like I was "crashing the party," so to speak. I can't get it out of my head that they find me awkward and nosy, because I was the one who had asked Madeleine if I could meet them. I'm terrified of the next time we'll have to call because it just feels like I'm butting into other people's business and being clingy. When I talk it feels like I'm trying to hard for attention or I'm attempting to fit in where I'm not needed. I feel like an outsider in the group because I'm- new, I guess? They've been nothing but lovely, of course, but I can't quite seem to shake that dreadful feeling.
I suppose this was just a vent, please leave a comment below, or if you have any advice it'll be greatly appreciated!
xx,
Cherry
@cherrymalt01 Thank you for sharing this Cherry, making new friends is not easy, I feel you and I can relate to what you went through during the call. It looks like (correct me if I'm wrong) you went out of your comfort zone, being happy to meet and get to know new people, and getting out of the comfort zone is difficult and scary at times, we might also fail and feel like not trying anymore, but it actually taught us new things about us and what can happen. I feel just like you, that's why I used to admire people who just get in the conversation and don't think too much about what others may think of them, but they do their best to make it a great time. Madeleine seems like a good friend to you, and the fact that they were friends from way before makes it a little bit challenging and it is normal to feel like an "outsider", the current situation with the pandemic is making things even more difficult, but I hope that things will get better, even after you get to meet each other in person.
I wish you all the best Cherry, and thank you for sharing your experience, it is very relatable
