Making Friends at Work
I work around literally dozens of people. I've been there since January, yet I haven't made any friends. It must be the way that I carry myself. I try to be nice and friendly to people, but I must be doing something that makes me look unapproachable. People will see me, but maybe two or three people will actually wave or say hi to me. It rarely ever goes beyond that though. Maybe I look pissed off all the time. There's no way for me to check, so I don't know. I know I need to just "put myself out there" like people say, but it scares me. I'm still scarred from being bullied and ostracized during my school years. I try to remind myself that I'm not in school anymore, but I'm still distrustful and wary of others. I'm not good at small talk either. It's hard for me to relate to other people. I feel like an alien trying to blend in with humans.
I need to have more confidence when I talk to people, but i just dont have anything that gives me confidence. My life is pretty boring and kinda sad, so I don't like to talk about myself much. It could be worse, but I still hate being me. I have two friends that like me for being me, but I rarely get to see or speak with them. I don't really feel comfortable talking about this with them either. I don't want to be a downer in their lives.
I guess I should see a therapist. I've been trying to work on these issues by myself, but I feel like I haven't made much progress. Are there any other ways to be more outgoing and social? How do I care less about what other people think of me? I've always wanted to be popular and well-liked by many people, but it seems like I've only experienced the opposite so far in life. Does that desperation make me unattractive as well?
@Cain96
it really sounds as though you are struggling with this, and I'm sorry for you.
Small talk is difficult, and there is an art to it. How about the approach of very 'safe' topics. Like
- The weather
- A compliment (but only genuine... for example " Those shoes are gorgeous" but only if you really think so
- Asking about someone's evening/weekend whether they had a good time
- Asking about TV programmes they may like
Try not to worry about what you are going to speak about, conversation is a two way thing, and they will probably ask you something in return.
If this feels too much for you at the moment, try and build up to it, just say hello and 'how are you?' See what comes from it.
Do your work offer any kind of training / programmes for development? Perhaps share with your manager that you don't feel you 'shine' to your potential, and can they help you with an confidence courses?
Hope that is helpful 😊
I have been in the same boat before. But I am proud of you for lasting that long at your job. I don't know how you did that. Or what your technique is for making it months at your job. I cannot make it a week but I have other mental health disorders going on at once.
But in response to you questions, is try to find something you have in common. I have been told to join a group where you and the others have the same interests in. Like a book club or a gaming group.
I am just terrified of people or just the fact that people try to get too close to me.
As far as not caring what other think, do not give them that power. Put your focus on yourself and only worry about you.
