Making Friends at Work
I work around literally dozens of people. I've been there since January, yet I haven't made any friends. It must be the way that I carry myself. I try to be nice and friendly to people, but I must be doing something that makes me look unapproachable. People will see me, but maybe two or three people will actually wave or say hi to me. It rarely ever goes beyond that though. Maybe I look pissed off all the time. There's no way for me to check, so I don't know. I know I need to just "put myself out there" like people say, but it scares me. I'm still scarred from being bullied and ostracized during my school years. I try to remind myself that I'm not in school anymore, but I'm still distrustful and wary of others. I'm not good at small talk either. It's hard for me to relate to other people. I feel like an alien trying to blend in with humans.
I need to have more confidence when I talk to people, but i just dont have anything that gives me confidence. My life is pretty boring and kinda sad, so I don't like to talk about myself much. It could be worse, but I still hate being me. I have two friends that like me for being me, but I rarely get to see or speak with them. I don't really feel comfortable talking about this with them either. I don't want to be a downer in their lives.
I guess I should see a therapist. I've been trying to work on these issues by myself, but I feel like I haven't made much progress. Are there any other ways to be more outgoing and social? How do I care less about what other people think of me? I've always wanted to be popular and well-liked by many people, but it seems like I've only experienced the opposite so far in life. Does that desperation make me unattractive as well?