Just a little shy girl with a deep story

Hi, I'm Lilyroseand I am thirteen years old. I have been through a lot, including depression, anxiety, sexual harrassment, friend abandonment, and bullying. I am painfully shy and everything frightens me. Loud sounds, sudden movements, unexpected touching, you name it, it scares me. There is only one person that I trust and she is distancing herself from me. Her name is Miss Durkin and she is my PE teacher. This woman is so very special to me. She is like the big sister I have never had. She is the only person that I trust. I wrote this letter for her, please I would love to hear your opinions on it. I don't know if I should give it ther or not. Please tell me if anything I said will offend her or if there is anything that Dear Miss Durkin⚽️🍰🎤💃
I feel awfully bad for bothering you, and I hope that you can forgive me for that. If you haven't noticed, I am a little bit shy. I appreciate your wanting to help me, but I feel very guilty for making you be a part of this.😞 I also would like to thank you for talking to me in the first place. Most people pretend not to notice me. I knew that I needed help and that I would need to talk to someone. But when your as shy as I am, it is hard to come by people that will actually listen.👂 I wanted to talk someone, but I didn't know who. Trusting is very difficult for me. I knew exactly what type of person I wanted. Someone understanding, someone sensitive, someone with a soft voice👩💖There aren't many people like that and I didn't expect to find someone that I could trust. I considered many people, observing each one carefully. I believed that your personality seemed to match the one I had in mind. That day in the computer lab, I knew perfectly well what I was going to do 📝 I chose a seat in the front, by myself. I acted as if I was scared, or nervous. You saw me. You didn't pretend not to notice. I honestly wasn't expecting you to react how you did. I didn't think you would try to talk to me. Well anyway, I told you. The sexual harassment thing was not the reason I wanted to talk to you💬 You didn't ask if anything else was wrong so I didn't tell you. I remember that day vividly. I trusted you. I felt satisfied with myself, as I believed I had chosen the right person. I wasn't all that surprised that they called 📞my mother. After that day, you started acting very differently around me. I felt as if I could cry😪I was scared to death of you. Petrified, I guess you could say.😵 I tried to hide behind random people in the gym, but now that I think about it, I must have looked pretty foolish. I don't know you too well, and I still am pretty scared of you, but It really did hurt when you ignored me💔 I tried to get you to see me, but you pretended not to notice that I was bothered. I wanted to talk to you so badly, so, so badly.😑 I trusted you. I waited outside your office for 20 minutes. The locker lady saw me, she got you. You looked me in the eyes 👀, like you were really worried about me. I don't remember that conversation too well, as I was dizzy and scared😖. It is very uncommon for me to experience the feeling of trust. Trust is like a diamond--so rare and precious that you are always afraid of losing it💎 But when you do find it, it is the best feeling in the world. With a past of abandonment, this feeling is completely unknown to me. There is something about you that contents me, and makes me feel safe. I appreciate Mr. Johnson trying to help me. He is very nice, and I like him, I like him very much. Though the fact that he is a man intimidates me and makes me feel uncomfortable. You seemed like you wanted to hand me off to him and be done with me, which I can understand. 😕 He is a very kind person, though I feel that he isn't the right person for me.🙍 I chose you. I picked you myself. I trusted you. I guess I feel kind of abandoned. You act abnormally around me. When I was sitting on that railing in front of the Little Theater, you walked right past me, like I was invisible.🙊💔😭 I do not know how to explain exactly how I felt at the moment, but the closest word would probably be "devastated."I cried myself to sleep that night, pathetic huh?😰😴 Yeah, well that's just me for ya. You are the only person that I feel comfortable talking too. I appreciate Mr. Johnson's effort💙, it truly means more to me than words can explain. But I chose you. All this is over with the boy, but my broken spirit still remains fractured.😶 I am sorry I dragged you into this, I should have never trusted you in the first place. All that trusting ever brings me is abandonment and regret. I am but a child, and sometimes I do stupid, stupid things 😞 My innocence is leaving me, one piece at a time. I am no longer that cute, sweet little girl that I once was. The feelings of isolation and self doubt are taking over and I am not powerful enough to fight them away.💪❌ Reliance and certainty are two things that I lack. I am not at all suicidal, so please don't report this or call my mother. Forcing me to see a therapist is going to do nothing but get me out of school early. It took me four careful months of scrutiny and observation to choose you 🔎 Setting me up with a person that I did not choose myself will only incarcerate me and cause stress and anxiety. I appreciate your attempt to help, it really does mean a lot to me to know that someone cares, or did care😌
~Lilyrose🌈👧🐰🎀
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