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I think I might have Social Anxiety Disorder, and I'm not sure where to go next

bubblewumble February 22nd
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Hello! Recently I've been thinking about the possibility that I may have Social Anxiety Disorder. Growing up I was always written off as a "shy" or "quiet" kid which I used to believe, but now I suspect it may be more. I'm not shy, and I'm not necessarily quiet either. I love people, and I love to socialize, but at the same time I'm terrified of doing so which often means I don't. 

Any events were all eye's will be on me, I have to go in front of many people, or be around a lot of people has resulted in panic attacks, and skipping major life event's(weddings, school, gatherings, parties, etc), and just complete avoidance because I think everyone is judging, and laughing at me. I'm terrified of saying/doing something wrong, and making an utter fool of myself which often means I won't say/do anything at all. 

I replay social interactions over and over again in my head which often keeps me awake at night for hour's at times, and sometimes feel so panicked or embarrassed about something I said/did it's driven me too panic attacks even if I logically know everything went fine. I choose my words very carefully, and will often plan for hour's/day's about what I want to say, and how I want too say it. A somewhat example of this is the fact I've read this at least 10 times over the past 40-45ish minutes and have tweaked it every time till I've felt it was "just right." I genuinely write down scripts for phone calls and such, practicing and adjusting them for day's, and will lose my mind if something happens that strays me from my script. 

Unfortunately this doesn't go away around the people I love and trust either. I constantly feel like people was talking badly about me, laughing at me, judging me, and watching me even if it's loved one's. More often than not the anxiety will get so bad I need too be alone for a long while. Every laugh, every glance at their phone, and every whisper I think is about me. 

It's really embarrassing because I really struggle with hiding the anxiety. I move around a lot, stutter to the point where it's hard for people to understand me at times, turn red, sweat, blank out, etc. I always feel guilty because I can't handle a lot of social events at once, and need at least a week's notice to prepare myself otherwise I really panic. Even then it's all that's on my mind leading up to the day, and long after the event, and there's a good chance I'll back out last moment hoping for an excuse to not go. This includes thing's as simple as hang outs with friends/families.

My social battery is drained very quickly, and I tend too not be able to handle more than 1 event of being around/taking too people. This includes grocery stores, phone calls, hanging out with friend's/family, parties, other social events, etc. 

It's over all very embarrassing and isolating. It feels like a living nightmares at times, and I'm not sure where too go from here. I'm sorry this is so long, there's a lot of other things I left out, and I just needed to get this off my chest because a lot of times I'm not taken seriously when it comes to this. I'm often told to "get over it" which is way easier said than done, so it feels better to get this out. 

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AlexandraDAP February 22nd
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@bubblewumble Hey there! Self-awareness is a great first step and the fact that you’ve gotten down what characteristics of social anxiety that you have is amazing! You might want to have a read of the DSM-5 as it states what characteristics are needed to be diagnosed with social anxiety. Also, have you looked into talking to a professional - a therapist maybe? Social anxiety can be difficult, but with the right tools you can find ways to cope and manage your anxiety! I heard 7cups offers professionals, maybe you can start there? Good luck and I wish you all the best on your journey! 

bubblewumble OP February 23rd
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@AlexandraDAP Hello! First off I just want too say thank you so much for the advice! :) 

I have been looking into the DSM-5 for quite some time, and I've unfortunately realized I experience every symptom. It sucks, but it feels better knowing what the problem may be. I've gotten some outside views from trusted individuals as well, and they've said it makes sense, or that they've suspected it for quite some time. I think a big problem that I face as well would be that I have a few other mental health conditions that could tie into every thing, which has made it difficult to navigate it all. I have been looking into therapists, and have tried quite a few over the year's, but unfortunately the mental health care system isn't the best where I live. 

I'm still searching however, and am planning on talking more in depth too a professional as soon as possible. Thank you for taking time out of your day to give me a recommendation, and advice once again. It means a bunch! :) 

Ubebe February 25th
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@bubblewumble 

this is totally relatable, everything you've said resonate with me so much that I get flashbacks reading this. I hope you'll figure things out. You're not alone in this journey. 🫂