Debilitating anxiety + ?
Please be kind, I’m v new to this. I have so much anxiety I can barely get through this post 😅 There’s a lot going on in my life that I have zero control over. The things I do have control over I’m too anxious, depressed and tbh terrified to deal with. It’s causing a spiral in my life. I’ve not been doing well dealing with my bpd ( or the other things wrong with my being. ) My anxiety is through the roof. Like every moment of the day I feel it. I’m here because I feel like I might need help dealing with some of these (and other) issues. I lost my job about a week and a half ago. Due to absolute ridiculousness that wasn’t even my fault. This being after I’ve already been down on myself for months. I feel like I’m losing touch. I might be disassociating again but I can never tell until after 🥲 The world feels like it’s crumbling around me. I feel like I’m always running from something from nothing from everything. I might have lost bits of myself in the avalanche that the pandemic brought along. Actually I know I did. Because I feel empty and like I’m searching for something ? Im trying to look towards the future but all I can see at this time of day is my ten pm ambien calling me, pushing me into the next day. Then my eight am adderal telling me it’s okay to function after. I’m trying, I am. The only way I can describe the seriousness of my anxiety etc is to tell you that sometimes I can’t even go outside to take out my recycling. It’s like I’m “ breaking the barrier “ if I go outside and I’m not safe anymore. I apologize for this being so long 😔 I really don’t know what I need. I’m hoping someone out in this world can remind me what it is or spark something that reminds me who I am. Or maybe I’m just scared. I don’t really know 🌙
@hollyhighh
I do not know how or if I could even help you. But I know you are not alone. I am becoming a legal adult soon and I am not ready at all. I have no clue what I want to do with my life and I do not have a job but I want to move out of my parents house asap. I do not think anyone really knows what they are doing, most people kind of just wing it. I know I am just winging it and hoping for the best.
So the way you said “ winging it “ sounds so much more appropriate. We’re trying so hard hit really we’re just doing the best we can. You’re v right. I appreciate the reminder. 🪴 thank you ❤️🥰
I know exactly what you're going through, its crazy how I can relate to almost everything you said. I wish I knew something that could help the both of us because I'm still trying to figure everything out. Just know you're not alone in your feelings.
Can I ask ? Have you ever dissociated? Or someone told you that you’d been ? I’m worried I don’t have the truth :/
@hollyhighh I also relate to what you said. I’ve never had such bad anxiety in my life. I’m talking to a therapist about it, and am trying not to judge my thoughts and anxiety, which has been really hard. I have dissociated a couple times the past couple weeks. I think sleep got me out of it a couple times, but I don’t really know what else I did so I could replicate 😬
You really might look into yoga meditation I think these medicinal cures can cover up symptoms but yoga and meditation and breathing and mantras can actually transform your life from within things really can get better in a big way you sound like a nice person but I really might try more natural things obviously I would listen to your doctor but see if you can transition into them, what do you think?
parts of your entry could be a page from my own journal, word for word.... i feel you, it’s definitely been a struggle lately... as for answers i really don’t have many, but what’s helped me is to chat about it, feel connected, even for a minute... helps me calm down a bit... i’m also nee here, don’t know how it all works here, but i’m available to chat if you’d like. either way i hope it gets better for you soon...
Hi holly, it sucks you lost your job. It's understandable you'd be feeling like this after losing the stability of a steady job and a certain income. I can relate a bit to your post right now. I had a panic attack recently and I do have panic disorder. I know how crippling anxiety can be. The fear, guilt, numbness is a familiar cycle. It's intense avoidance of people, places, sometimes food. We do what we can to feel "in control" and to feel "safe" or stable. You're not alone. We're all here because we know this so intensely.
For me, i feel like even though I do everything right (yoga, breathing, mindfulness, diet, sleep, affirmations, therapy and meds) it's still no guarantee that I won't get another panic attack, or disassociate, or slowly fall into a deep depression.
I'm still trying to figure it out too. Still trying to work through the fear, guilt, frustration and numbness. Sometimes I stop trying and just indulge in my anxiety until God knows when...
Keep taking your meds. Keep doing your yoga and breathing. Keep saying your affirmations. Keep sharing and posting. Do what you can, and if you can't- then that's OK too. It's enough.
It's making a difference even if you might not feel it.
This too shall pass
Even if it's just for a moment
👊