Hello. I've experienced that before, probably several times. I know it's awful and the throw up metaphor is spot on. I've thought the same. I remember one time where I had been fighting a panic attack and I finally had enough and just wanted it to happen to get it over with. I had a tiny panic attack and then felt much better. Even laughed about it afterwards that I had been so worked up over it. For me, I've come to think of anxiety as a problem-solving mode that the body has. Panic is a different problem-solving mode, anger is another, etc. They are just a slight adjustment to our attributes to help optimize ourselves w.r.t. some generic classes of problems if we percieve that they might be occuring. They affect our physical ability, making us temporarily stronger and faster, and our mental state, making us more focused and vigilant, and our emotional state, labeling the situation with an obvious positive or negative feeling that motivates us to take action to resolve the situation. So basically, anxiety and panic, they are great things our bodies can do. It's really cool to learn to appreciate anxiety as a problem-solving thing, instead of (ironically) worrying about it. If you are scared of anxiety or panic attacks, next time you feel it coming on, try to look forward to it. When it happens sit back and observe how you feel. Notice each of the optimizations, physical, mental, emotional. Just observe them and try to remove any negative judgements you might have about them. And then, once you are satisfied, move on to whatever it was you were doing and focus on that new thing. The emotion will pass. And at some point you'll notice that it did. Celebrate that observation for a moment. Really try to learn how emotions are all transient in nature. They are not something we need to fight or avoid. Anyway, that's my 2 cents. I hope something in there is helpful to you. Wishing you relief and good times ahead.