Trying

I’ve been doing well this my panic attacks, but my anxiety is still creeping. We I get panic attacks they get pretty serious, my body locks, I get cold, and I can’t breathe. My anxiety is stemming from me holding in my emotions when people hurt me. Then it worries me that they will leave me or not like me. I feel like I can’t do enough or keep up with everyone. I’m trying to suppress it so I don’t get a panic attack. Those suck. Even when I’m with my family, I feel alone and at times they don’t like me. What’s triggering my anxiety currently, is my fear of my husband cheating on me. I’ve been cheated on in my first relationship that I held myself for. Its hard because he shows characteristics of this type of person lately. It started when we moved to a different country together. I don’t know what to do to stop my mind from spiraling in to a deep depression because of the internal fight. I’m trying selfcare and it’s helping a little, but I still worry 8 years is a lot of years wasted if he’s cheating. I can think of how if feels to be thrown away again too. I don’t know if it’s me or what any more. It’s making me sick.