Tips please

In some ways I can relate with you on this one, @skathie, as I am a social anxiety sufferer.

You're right, it is just a feeling and it's very good that you have challenged it on a rational basis. I found that was an important step for me and whenever I slip, it's often the first thing that I've forgotten. With regards to dealing with it, I think it's important to try and put things into a context.

When you see that person coming the other way in the corridor, what is the worst that could happen? When you really break it down, the worst thing that could happen really isn't that bad and you'll probably find that you can cope with it. But, equally, when you confront it and continue to walk bravely down the corridor, you'll find that things won't turn out the way that you dreaded in the first place.

Ultimately however, it's up to you what approach that you take to your anxiety but I find the following is true. Some people like to talk about having "outs" if a conversation does strike up. I'm not a big fan of that for my own social anxiety because in a way, it's a get-out-of-jail-free card.. or in other words.. it's an unconscious admittance that "I can't cope with the situation so this is how I'll get out of it". For all of the years that I tried that approach, my anxiety only got worse. For the year that I took the opposite approach, I found my anxiety became more manageable. Note the wording there.. the feeling still exists but it's more manageable than previously.

Ultimately, however, our anxiety trigger.. our anxiety symptoms.. and therefore the ways in which we can successfully manage anxiety differ among all of us. Have a look around the anxiety forum, especially the Anxiety Support Resources forum sub-category. You may just find something that makes sense for you there :)

I guess when I was younger I just figured that I'd never fit in. I used to joke that it's not that I don't like people; I just feel so much better when I'm not around them. I built up walls and continue to harbor animosity towards people, like my in-laws, who act in (what I would consider) unpredictable ways. My wife and I were a bit older when we married, but I remember that her immediate & extended family were the first ones that I felt were judging me. (I never really dated so dealing with a significant other's family was odd for me.) Her older brother is very loud, opinionated, mean spirited, and lies. I stay away from him like the plague because I have no idea how he is going to act or what he might say.

Ok....enough about me! ;)

I would suggest you look up and practice some different types of meditation to find one that fits you. Being able to focus on your breath and your own physical sensations, acknowledging them and letting them 'float' by is quite helpful. Being able to be aware of your field of 'focus' is extremely useful to start.

I totally understand what you mean! I suffer with social anxiety and sometimes I can be sat with a group of friends and suddenly feel anxious. But when I worked through these situations with my therapist she helped me identify underlying causes that at the time I wasn't aware of.

I agree with Roadie trying to think of the best and worst possible outcomes as well what you think is more than likely to happen has been very useful for me!

I guess for me the negative thoughts are subconscious. My therapist suggested writing out ANT: two columns. One is the negative thought, one is a more positive version.

For example, I broke my car mirror backing out of a parking space.

Negative thoughts:
I'm a failure, I screwed up, I don't know what to do.

Positive thought replacement:
It's okay. Everyone makes mistakes. I simply have to go to a car repair shop, and it will be better.

Suffering from anxiety is pretty bad. Having to explain it to others who don't understand is worse. If you feel you are having an attack and there's no person to support you where you are remember to do this:

GROUNDING:

Take a look around you in your immediate area.

Spot 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can touch and 1 thing you can taste.

having to find these things will make you feel accomplished and also give you something to do other than worry or panic about what you were having anxious feelings about.