Something very personal to me.

Hello, this is Seal and I'm a young adult woman who can't seem to calm down. I have this very personal anxiety problem that I feel must be addressed. I get anxiety from the thought of someone catching me masturbating, especially if they hear me or something. I live with my family so it's understandable why I would have this worry. After all, I hate being embarrassed. However, it still affects me to this day and I feel so stupid because I'm afraid of doing something that everyone else does out of the fear of getting caught. Now, I didn't really experience anything traumatic like sexual abuse or anything like that, but I'll tell you how this anxiety started. I was starting high school, and like most teenagers, my sexual interests were blooming. It was during spring break and I was looking at some Hetalia porn on Google Images. Yeah. Those were weird times. Anyway, I was fangirling and getting really horny over it like a typical fangirl, and then I decided to get off to it somehow. And then my mom caught me. Twice. She saw me with my iPod looking at Hetalia porn, and I have never been more embarrassed in my life. By the way this has happened to me more than once. I felt so ashamed of myself because I got caught masturbating and I tried avoiding it ever since. Back then I was afraid of looking at sexual images because I felt like my mom was watching me look at them. As I got older, the images didn't scare me, but I wouldn't get off to them because I do not want to get caught. Even if I can lock my door and cover my mouth when I make noises, I still feel anxiety over this. I have talked to my mom about it, but those conversations usually ended with me being red in the face and I was very uncomfortable. I can't even tell bring myself to tell her because I'll get embarrassed about it as usual. Luckily, my mom is very kind and she understands me, but even then I still cannot talk about it because masturbating is a very personal thing. She understands that I need some private time, but I can't really calm down and just do it, y'know? I might have to give myself time to overcome this anxiety, and by talking to listeners about it for so long I feel like I've made some great progress. I still have to be patient with myself, even though it's very difficult for me to do that. Does anyone else here have that same problem? If so, I'd really like to know. I really needed to get this off of my chest, and now I finally have the courage to do so.