Sigh.
The time now is 10:25 pm, eastern time (I think it's eastern), exactly three hours ago I was fine. I was happy, I was laughing at stupid stupid stuff and smiling like an idiot. Now, I feel like I'm worthless.
I'm a freshman in college, I just started last Monday...going to become a Graphic Deisgner. Sounds cool right?
Well heres the thing, I'm 18 and over weight because of the nedication I'm on and the disease I have. I feel like I'm useless, I feel like other people don't care if I live or die sometimes, yet I know they do. I get in crowds of people and feel like I'm withering away...I can't talk to new people in fear they'll turn away because I'm fat. It's gotten to the point where I have wanted to commit suicide, and I have to admit. I have tried before (my parents didn't know). But I'm not diagnosed...my mom has depression and my dad is bi-polar. They're diagnosed. I feel like when I tell people I'm depressed or I'm having an anxiety attack they think I'm lying to create drama. But in reality, It's hard to breathe, I feel tears welling behind my eyes and my heart beats faster,
I was debating on even typing this on 7 cups because I thought, "They'll just ignore it as she's fake. She don't have anxiety or depression." Because that's what most people think. I can't afford to go have a therapist formally diagnose me. I just know I feel.,,horrible.
Hi @thakhalessi
I'm not a huge one for labels. I suffered with anxiety and depression for about 15-20 years before getting one of those shiny labels and once I got it, it didn't make much of a difference. My point is that whether you're diagnosed or you're not, it's how you feel that matters, not whether you're diagnosed. If you're feeling anxious, if you're feeling depressed, or you're feeling both right now then that's all that matters.
I read that you want to be a graphic designer, which you're right in saying is very cool. I need to consult YouTube when drawing a stick figure so anyone like yourself that has the gift of doing something graphically is pretty gifted in my eyes. And, might I say, probably in the eyes of an awful lot of people as well. But ultimately it's often not what other people think of us that matters but what we think of ourselves that really matters. Often those two aren't really the same thing and just as often the expectations that we put on how other people will react aren't really the same as what we think either.
You write of the feeling of it being hard to breathe, your heart beating faster, and the feeling of tears weling behind your eyes. They're very strong feelings that you have at the moment and while it's probably hard for you to write this here, you have done a really great thing by telling someone about how you're feeling. It can really make a difference sometimes.
Anyway, so while I don't know how you're feeling today after getting those thoughts out, my message box is open if you want someone to vent to.
All the best.
@thakhalessi
Hey Thakhalessi, I think all of what @Roadie said is true. I would just like to add, that if you find that these
feelings are affecting your everyday life and you would like to speak to a professional without the worry of the
cost, your campus should have resources for you- such as a counseling center.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! We are here for you!