Mentally Abuse Causes Anxiety
Has anyone ever grew up with a mentally and/or emotionally abusive parent(s)? I was raised with a single mother and two brothers; one younger, one older. My little brother has Autism/ADHD, so my mother babied him a lot and he was more of an inspiration to me. If it wasn't for my little brother, I don't think I would be as strong as I am today. Growing up, my mom was very emotionally and mentally abusive to me, but as a kid/teen I got used to it and didn't realize the effects until I got older. Now I am 33 years old and have serious anxiety issues, don't know how to express my feelings, and always have a hard time making decisions for myself. Even simple decisions, like, what do I want for dinner? I wonder if I have Childhood Emotional Neglect problems? In the back of my mind I can still hear her nagging and criticism. I still keep in touch with her b/c she has no one else. (surprisingly!) She was divorced twice and my older brother turned into a heroin addict. So, I feel extremely guilty often if I don't help her. I want so badly to get rid of these guilty and angry feelings towards her. I want to have the courage to stand up to her. I also need to learn how to express my feelings! My husband is getting sick of me being so .. empty. :(
I'm sorry @TransAm85 that you had to endure this behavior through your childhood. I'm sure it was difficult to have your mother behave so cruelly to you and so warmly to your brother. Despite this, I am glad that you have been able to maintain a great relationship with him over the years as you grew up. I haven't been in a similar situation but I hope that by replying your thread can be moved up to the top of the queue, other members will see it, and you can connect with someone who can better relate to your situation.
Despite not being in the same situation, I can understand the frustration you feel with anxiety and indecisiveness. I don't have my mother's voice in my head criticising me but that doesn't mean I don't struggle with self doubt. I have my own voice telling me that I am doing things wrong and I am not good enough. I know that those thoughts are difficult to push away when them seem so engraved in our daily routines.
I hope that things have gotten better. I hope you no longer feel guilty for trying to maintain space between yourself and your mother. I hope that your husband isn't pressuring you to rresolve this trauma sooner than possible. I hope that the anxiety, and the self doubt and the indecisiveness have gotten.