Meeting an ex-friend for the first time since huge fight...
A little more than a year ago (April 2018), I had a huge falling out with two of my best friends that had been a 15-year long friendship (since we were like two years old) and we stopped being friends. This fight went through facebook messenger so the last time I physically met with them was in January 2018 before the fight. This fight was my fault because of my mistake and they were both very clear that they can never forgive me.
A year later, aka, in April this year, I sent them a very long letter just explaining all of my mistakes and owning up to them and just things like that and they were PISSED that I had just cut off all connections with them for a whole year. One of them understood and was glad that I was owning up to what I did and was happy that I had come to an understanding of what I did was wrong. She said that she didn't see herself being able to forgive me but is happy that our friendship was ending on somewhat good terms. The other one, however, didn't give a fuck and just called bullshit on all of it and didn't want to hear from me ever again.
The thing is, she just sent me a message on facebook asking me to return the things that she had lent me a couple of years back (some game controllers and things) because her little sister was asking for it. This means that I will have to meet her face to face for the first time since all of this and I am so nervous I feel like I could throw up! How do I act? Do I act cold? Do I ask for a hug when meeting her? Do I smile at her? Do I bring up everything and apologise again? I have such bad social anxiety that if she starts arguing with me, I WILL break down and cry, no doubt about it. I cannot argue face to face with people, I can't handle confrontations just ARGH FUCK WHAT DO I DO? I AM FREAKING OUT! Shit, what if she asks me to come to her house and give her parents the things? What if her parents ask me what the hell happened between us? What if they already know and tell me off when I see them? I could throw up I am so scared! HELP
@enthusiasticAvocado4953 I don't have much in the way of advice, but I want you to know: I get it. I just had a huge falling out with my best friend and confidant. We are on different sides of the situation and I don't know that it will ever be resolved. I cannot imagine how I would handle her asking to meet up. My only advice is to remember that people make mistakes and you will come back from this. You will find new friends and support systems that will know your past and love you because of how you learned from it. Meeting up with this friend will be painful. Apologize, keep the meeting short, and then let this be your point of letting go and moving forward. Stay strong and breathe!
