Lost because of the new job
I'm at this new job, it sort of pays well, colleagues are pretty cool but.....
I'm not sure if this work is for me. Here I have to admit that I have no idea what job is for me. I'm so lost and confused that the only thing I want is to crawl under blanket and stay there. I'm always stressed out about the work, thinking what if I fail? What if I don't understand what customer says (I have to use language that I'm not very fluent at)? What if I mess up? Then I think, but where else will I go? I'm a mess and I won't feel good at any work. I got that pressure from family, who tells me that I'd be stupid if I left so soon. I have this 3 month period after which employer might tell me that I can't continue. And I know if he'll do that, I'll be super messed up, because I already feel like I'm not good enough for anything.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I got no one to talk about how I feel about the work, because I got blamed, judged and feel guilty for even feeling like this.
Stress has already shown it's influence, hair's falling out, I have to use sedative.
And I have a feeling that if I'll quit my job so soon, I'll quit my life too. Because I won't be able to take it anymore.
@MusicDraw
Thank you for coming to 7 Cups. This is easier said than done, but I don't want you to feel guilty for how you feel. It's okay to feel this way, even if it's difficult. The important things are that you are working, you are doing something, and you are making some sort of connection with your colleagues and the people around you.
I also want you to know that it's okay to make mistakes. We all do. :)
You don't have to be perfect, you just have to do your best. If you feel like you're struggling, don't be afraid to ask for help.
I know what it's like to not feel good enough - but I know you will find your place, even if it's hard right now.
Please, please, please do not quit your life. Whatever obstacles may come to you, I know you'll be able to handle it. There are always hurdles you can jump over.
If you are ever considering taking your life, please log onto suicide.org.
Stay strong. <3
@EleNergy Thank you. I want to think that it's good that I'm doing something, even if it's not exactly my dream job.
About the struggling and doing my best. I'm sort of that person who feels like I need to know everything about something before I even start. Now, when it's not that way, I feel absolutely horrible and out of place. Then I think how people around me thinks I'm stupid and why I'm even there.
About finding my place. Quite often I feel like I'm not moving anywhere, that I'm the same I was years ago. I try not to compare myself with others, but I see how old classmates are living a nice life, are out of parents house, just being a grown-ups. And I'm still with my parents (even though their relationships is one of the things that make my life miserable), I'm not finding my place, I'm struggling with everything.
I know suicide isn't the answer, I don't want to be a quitter. But that thought has been with me for almost 12 years, and already before I thought "Why I'm even alive?" It's hard to live with thought of suicide, it's like, I can even have a nice day, but one of the thoughts will be, "What if I die now? Why I'm even enjoying this day."
I feel so lost that I don't even know where to begin to find some way. I'm alone with no friends, family who barely talks about mental issues (go out more! eat more this! no, you can figure out everything by yourself!).
I think it's good of you to try, even though you're not feeling well in your job environment. And everybody fails or messes up sometimes. It's part of the learning process. Someone who doesn't fail, will never learn.
I'm not going to tell you whether to stay at your job or not, but I can tell you that every new job is tough. Everyone feels like they need to fit in with the group, and do everything perfect, and please everyone around you. It's perfectly normal to feel that way, and I'm sure even your boss remembers feeling like that when he/she just started out too. As long as you do your best, your boss, and the people around you, will pick up on that. And as you get used to the environment and the job, it will get easier.
This is not to say that there is shame in quitting a job that makes you feel miserable. You should always put your wellbeing first. But you should also be careful not to miss out on opportunities because of that.
@Cheeney Thank you for you ideas! :) I think I should tattoo it on my hand, that mistakes and failing is part of the life.
This is my first real job experience and that also plays a huge role in how I feel. My parents, who might not be the best example, always seemed to be boss pleasers. They would stay after work, do more than they are required (and not earning anything from that), they always did as the boss said. And therefore, without having a nice example, I put very high standards on myself and feel bad if I don't fulfil them.
As to work and wellbeing, it's also something I see around me, how people are miserable, but they won't quit their jobs. And I don't want to be one of those. And in this case, I think I'm miserable only because I don't allow myself to be imperfect and make mistakes.
@MusicDraw I like the tone of this message. Because it seems to me you have already done some self reflection, and were quite succesful at that as well. Your parents set these high expectations and you feel like you have to be like them, I understand. We learn so much from our parents, starting at a very young age, and rely on them to know how to act. But it's important to remember too that our parents have flaws. Even the ones that don't seem as obvious. Working too hard on a job can be seen as both a good quality as a flaw, and it depends on the situation which one it is.
Similarly, you and I have flaws. And that's okay. Everyone does, and nearly everyone has a problem with their own flaws. It takes courage to accept yourself for all of your flaws, because it requires you to look them in the eye and say ''You are a part of me, and I welcome you.'' There's an old saying that if you can't fix something, accept it. I think you need to examine what you perceive to be your flaws, and rationalize them. Do you think people see them the same way as you? Do you think people even notice that easily? Really challenge yourself to get to the bottom of this, and ultimately, ask yourself if it's really something that you should fix at all.
@MusicDraw
Hello I am sorry to here that you are so stressed, It is okay if we make a mistake here or there we are human, I do understand though because I am a perfectionist when it comes to work also. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope that things get less stressful for you and more enjoyable.God Bless!
