It’s hard being hyper vigilant

ps: I didn’t think this was anxiety. But now I do. It’s the anxiety of not having the best medication available

Everything is so loud that I can't even think. It's so hard to think. So hard to reach out for support. Too tiring to do so. But if I do take out the phone and reach for support, I literally had so space and energy to do so, because I'd go into sensory meltdown where breathing and thinking and using words would hurt. If I don't take out my phone though, I don't rlly have support from others that they know what I'm going through. What the ***. Then I'm in this idea that I'm always going thru this Allen. It's so hard. I don't even have enough energy to process my emotions or grief in this. Because when things are tough, I try to punch things or sob.

Things on my mind:

1. Feeling like talking to someone who I always walk by and have this super awkward interaction but feeling like not having the energy to

2. Attending several workshops and classes and keeping track of everything

3. Have to drink enough water and eat enough nutrients

4. Meditate

5. Exercise

6. Proving my psychiatrist that straterra doesn't help and I still have sensory processing issues and i want anti depressants. But why is there always a part of me that feels like i want things to be better? It's not helping at all! Why!? Is it saying something? Is it trying to say something? It seems like it's always wanting to get the best of the best. I mean *** it's saying that I'm just constantly easily overwhelmed, and it's the pill isn't helping as I expected. Why would I accept a pill that I feel like it only helps a little bit?

Actions: drink a lotta water, exercise daily, journal, reach out for help