Imposter syndrome
My depression and anxiety have been really bad the past month. On paper, I feel like I should be in love with my life. I just moved to a beautiful new town, I have been in the best relationship for the past year, I have an adorable new cat, and I have a new job that aligns with my degree and seems like it is a good entry position for a dream career. BUT despite all of this, I feel miserable. It feels like there's constantly a raincloud over my head and it feels like I'm not good enough for any of its. I can't find the joy in anything. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry.
I can't help but bash myself for being so ungrateful for what I have. But at the same time, I feel so miserable and unworthy of it all.
Does anyone else feel like the life in their head and their actual life are completely different??? It's disorienting.
Hi @secretCat7864 ,
I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling so down in the past month and that this feeling has been making things so difficult for you. It sounds like you have accomplished so much, and those are very much your achievements. Goals that you've accomplished through your hard work and effort. You were the one who found those opportunities and grabbed hold of them.
What would you tell a friend who had achieved the same things? Would you be proud of them?
I don't feel that you're being ungrateful for what you have. In fact, it sounds like that you're incredibly grateful for what you have. I can tell how much you appreciate what you have in life just from your description of having the opportunity to live in a beautiful town, be in the best relationship, live with an adorable new cat, and have your foot in the door for a dream career! You've done amazing work, and you're still doing a great job.
And you're not alone in feeling this way. Some of the most accomplished people in the world have also felt the way you do at some point in their lives. In fact, Maya Angelou once said "I have written 11 books but each time I think 'Uh-oh, they're going to find out now. I've run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out.'" And Albert Eistein had also once said “The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.”
Your depression and anxiety and how you're feeling are all valid. I know how it feels when everything seems to be going in the right direction yet you still feel lost. Go easy on yourself. We often live by the rule of treating others as you would treat yourself, but maybe sometimes we should treat ourselves as we would treat others. I wish you all the best! <3
