I'm feeling really lost...
Ok so I am really struggling lately as I keep feeling extremely inferior to everyone around me. I don't know if this classifies as anxiety but it is something that I need to address. In most of my intereactions with other people I feel like I have absolutely nothing to contribute whatsoever. I feel like I have no opinions, no interests, and no personality. I feel like an empty shell and because of this it makes it so much harder for me to feel comfortable talking to people. I question all of my friendships every now and then because I feel like I am so distant and empty that I can't understand why my friends would still want to be friends with me. I just feel so disconnected from everyone around me and even when I do try to open up and get things off my chest I feel guilty if my friends are going through something worse or I feel like I am making things up or just unloading stuff onto them without being able to truly be there for them too because I never know how to truly comfort my friends the way they need. I just feel so useless. Today I was even haning out with friends and when they asked me how I felt about something all I could stammer out a few words and then say I was tired so I couldn't answer properly because I felt too anxious that their attention had suddenly turned to me and that I just couldn't think straight even though I've known these friends for years. I also keep feeling like I keep saying the wrong things and there's even been a couple of times where I've been asked a question and I've felt the need to lie about my experience unessarssily. It didn't even make sense to lie at the time but because I felt so pressured at being asked a question it was the first thing that came out. This never really happened much before and I don't know if the reason it happened was because I've always been a "people pleaser" so my instinct was just to agree. I just don't know why I keep messing things up. I just want to figure myself out and stop feeling like a lost child (in an adult body) that can't communicate.
@AquaNavySky
Hi! Sorry, it took a while for someone to respond to your post. I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and can really relate to the things you shared. I can say that I really relate to most of the thoughts that you shared in your post at one point or other, or all in one moment some times! I appreciated you sharing, and I thought it took immense courage, and strength and vulnerability to share the things you did. I hope you will continue posting and letting us know how you are doing and hope you will continue to join us in the forums. Any way, I'm really glad you are here and have joined us on 7cups and your presence is important! I struggled for a long time as a people pleaser. It was a skill that allowed me to survive in the environment I grew up in. I knew that life would be best if I could make sure the people who took care of me were taken care of.... It took decades to perfect that skill that helped me to survive... it also means that learning about who I am, what I think, care and feel, is going to take some time. It just wasn't something that had much survival value when I was young, and so it wasn't something I invested in.... Now, I am learning who I am, what I like, what I think, how I feel... Certain times, I will find that what I think, feel, and say will be effected by the people I am with.... Those times I can feel shame about not knowing how I feel inside... Now I just give myself a hug, because I identify it as a survival skill, and I try my best not to beat myself up... and just tell myself that I am learning about who it is to be me.
I can also relate to the second guessing... often I will type up responses to people's posts and then start second guessing if what I say might upset people, or offend them, or be meaningless. A lot of times, I leave my post and never send it and just hope that the computer deletes it or accidentally erases it. I let this post sit 24 hours, (feeling vulnerable) but I guess it is still here, so I guess it means, I'll take the risk and post! lol.....Hope it helps you feel less alone. Posting takes courage! So I hope you give give yourself a big pat on the back for posting! Posting is the way I too, work my comfort zone, and take risks to share!
I wish you all the best in your journey! Hope to see you in the forums!