AquaNavySky Member Profile

Family Issues

Relationship Stress / by AquaNavySky

November 27th, 2020

...See more I live with my dad and my sister and the relationship dynamic in the house has grown quite toxic over the years. My sister and dad do not get along at all and either fight, put up with each other or don't speak at all. I have a lot of resentment towards my dad which leads me to try and avoid him as much as possible which is not entirely healthy either. Out of the three of us, I don't think any of us are good communicators. My dad leans towards agressive communication that always puts himself as the victim. My sister can be assertive and outspoken but most of the time when she talks to my dad she ends up angry and can't put up with it so she might lash out, walk away from the fight (because she needs space), or she'll be passive agressive. My communication style is to try and avoid conflict but that can be difficult with my dad especially if he is asking me for an opinion that he won't want to hear. It is extremely frustrating to talk to someone who asks for your opinion but gets angry when you say it or who thinks your opinions are ignorant. I honestly don't know if we're all equally toxic or if one person is more toxic than the others. Me and my sister have a similar opinion on our dad although I try to understand the reasons for my dad's behaviour more than my sister does. It would be ideal if we could get along but as a result of feeling resentful and distant for so long I now feel quite detached from him and I don't know how I would build back the relationship. Which is quite sad to think about and possibly could have been avoided if I'd had better communication skills earlier. I think the three of us probably all need individual therapy to address things but my sister is stubborn and I think when she moves out she'll probably just cut my dad off and my dad mostly thinks my sister is the problem but rarely takes accountability for his own actions.

Fading friendships and a venting tangent I guess

Relationship Stress / by AquaNavySky

November 22nd, 2020

...See more Ok so I'm an introvert and I like spending time alone. The problem is now I've spent so much time alone that I've forgotten how to be around other people and form meaningful connections. I'm doing a course but I don't have any friends in it. It doesn't help that most of my classes have been online this year. I'm 25 now and I still have 2 friends from high school that I see semi-regularly. There's a few other friends from high school that I might see/hear from a couple of times a year but we don't really talk outside of that. I wish there was a way I could somehow become closer to my friends again but it doesn't seem realistic. Everyone is either quite busy with various things in their lives (study, family, partners, work), lives far away, or we don't have much in common anymore. The two friends I do have I try to be a good friend to them but it just never feels like enough. I feel like I'm constantly letting them down because they usually have to be the ones to reach out to me and I know I need to put in more effort but I just don't think I have anything to offer anyone anymore. I feel like I don't have the emotional capacity to take on the needs of other people because I can't even figure out my own needs. One of my friends constantly tries to open up to me and get me to open up as well but when it gets to really personal things I don't always know what the right thing is to say. So I'll say something like "that sounds like it would be hard" or "I'm sorry your feeling that way" and it just feels so lacking in emotional depth even though what I'm trying to do is show her that I'm listening. But sometimes my mind will go blank and it makes me feel terrible because I'm still trying to figure out how to respond and meanwhile my friend has just confessed something really personal. I don't know how other people just naturally know how to comfort others and talk about deep things because for me this is definitely not natural and is in fact really difficult. Whenever I think about the times I failed to give the right kind of emotional support to either of my friends it just makes me want to isolate myself and withdraw from everyone even more because even when I'm trying to do better and be there for them I still can't get it right. But then I'll feel bad for isolating and I'll think that I should reach out to them but by then they will usually have already reached out to me so the cycle continues. I also just feel so ashamed of where I am in life and how lost I feel and I don't know how to really communicate this with anyone because I feel like I want support but if I can't support my friends very well then why should they support me? But then by not telling my friends how I'm feeling this is just another way I am distancing myself from them so I just don't know what the right thing to do is. Ugh I don't really know what I was trying to accomplish by writing this all out. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest. But if anyone has any ideas on how to be a better communicator for my friends or how can I stop isolating all the time, or if you've gone through anything similar I would welcome your opinion/advice.

I'm feeling really lost...

Anxiety Support / by AquaNavySky

March 2nd, 2020

...See more Ok so I am really struggling lately as I keep feeling extremely inferior to everyone around me. I don't know if this classifies as anxiety but it is something that I need to address. In most of my intereactions with other people I feel like I have absolutely nothing to contribute whatsoever. I feel like I have no opinions, no interests, and no personality. I feel like an empty shell and because of this it makes it so much harder for me to feel comfortable talking to people. I question all of my friendships every now and then because I feel like I am so distant and empty that I can't understand why my friends would still want to be friends with me. I just feel so disconnected from everyone around me and even when I do try to open up and get things off my chest I feel guilty if my friends are going through something worse or I feel like I am making things up or just unloading stuff onto them without being able to truly be there for them too because I never know how to truly comfort my friends the way they need. I just feel so useless. Today I was even haning out with friends and when they asked me how I felt about something all I could stammer out a few words and then say I was tired so I couldn't answer properly because I felt too anxious that their attention had suddenly turned to me and that I just couldn't think straight even though I've known these friends for years. I also keep feeling like I keep saying the wrong things and there's even been a couple of times where I've been asked a question and I've felt the need to lie about my experience unessarssily. It didn't even make sense to lie at the time but because I felt so pressured at being asked a question it was the first thing that came out. This never really happened much before and I don't know if the reason it happened was because I've always been a "people pleaser" so my instinct was just to agree. I just don't know why I keep messing things up. I just want to figure myself out and stop feeling like a lost child (in an adult body) that can't communicate.

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