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I don't know what to do with my emotions

Sylwind June 17th, 2020

It's an odd thing, but even though I'm nearly 23 I've only had experience with true emotions for a little bit. An emotionally abusive father caused me so much stress for years that I honestly don't remember much that I should and repressing my emotions is the most normal thing. For years I just felt like I didn't care about anything even if I was going through life trying to accomplish goals that are connected to my passions. But, I suppose I never was as passionate as I thought until recently. I'm feeling emotion more than I ever have before, which is good, but it's unfamiliar territory and it causes me problems. Sometimes it feels like I'm feeling so much that it's completely paralyzing and I might be trying to repress things again so that I don't have to deal with things at inopportune times, but I might just not know when or how to deal with things. I'll be getting ready for school and will be about to go out the door, but then suddenly all I can do is sit on the floor and sob just like the days he was waiting outside the house for me. These paralyzing moments have a build-up, the time beforehand is filled with random energy spikes, an inability to focus on anything and brain fog. I know that much, but I still have no idea what to do with my emotions. How do I feel? How can I stop separating myself from all of my past and present emotions? I have a lot of history to catch up on and it just feels like I'm overloading my system every month or so. Is there any way to do better?

1
Idontknow247 June 17th, 2020

@Sylwind

I would highly recommend looking into a therapist or counselor that your school can provide. They can help you work through your emotions as well as give continual support. Most colleges will provide a certain amount of counseling sessions for free and more if needed. Wishing you the best!